


Show Me

by Viqueen



Series: Shadan Adaar [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: A good dose of misplaced anger, AFTERCARE IS FUCKING IMPORTANT OKAY?!, And then TOTALLY in the good way, BDSM, Bondage, Bull drives Adaar cray-cray and not in the good way, Bull is a biter and no one can tell me different, Bull knows he's hot, Canon Compliant, Cunnilingus, Demands of the Qun, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gatt is an asshole, Hand Jobs, Mature adults communicating, Mentions of PTSD, Non-human erogenous zones, Ongoing story, Pre-Relationship, Sad, being exiled totally should have made more of an impact I stg, some drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:45:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viqueen/pseuds/Viqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He says she wants to "Ride the Bull", she wants him to prove it'd be worth her time.<br/>Playing with the idea of Bull and Adaar being "involved" BEFORE Demands of the Qun and how being exiled and declared Tal-Vashoth affected that relationship after the dreadnought exploded.<br/>Mostly canon compliant, but with some headcanony interpretations/reinterpretations of bits and places.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Worth My Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-Demands of the Qun!!
> 
> I tried to write this kind of BDSM-y but it just didn't flow, plus I always thought it was weird that it's canon-implied that they're using bondage from the get-go. That's just not something you do BEFORE you have the rules talk.
> 
> Added some horns stuff, like sensitive spots and mannerisms, cuz they have to be more than just neat and decorative, right?
> 
> First time I've written smut in years. So, be gentle ^^;
> 
> **[Final Revision 12/5/2017]**

Shadan Adaar walked up the steps to her quarters, wood planks creaking beneath her boots as she rounded the corner to the next flight. She readjusted the thick stack of missives in her arm and turned to the next page. Scanning over the latest sightings of Corypheus’ forces, changing trade routes as roads burned in the war, the most recent census of Skyhold’s refugees and a crinkled note Sera had shoved into her pile that morning.

Only a few weeks had passed since the survivors of Haven's siege followed her through the snow to this mountain stronghold. The former mercenary was now their _Inquisitor_. The full weight of that responsibility still didn’t feel real. However, the dark road ahead paled in comparison to the clarity of what was behind them. The harsh acrid scent of corrupted dragonfire, choking heat, snow and ash falling from the sky, screams of those trapped and burning-Shadan sighed and stopped. She had read the same line four times as her mind rummaged around in those dark memories. She found herself doing that more and more often as of late. Rubbing the corners of her eyes she refocused on the task literally in her hands and continued up the stairs.

Reaching her door, she lifted the latch with her elbow and pushed it open with her hip. Josephine had fussed at her that morning, again, about getting a proper lock for her quarters. Wholly unnecessary when there were still gaping holes in Skyhold’s masonry. Little as it was, Shadan didn’t want to take attention away from repairs that would help everyone else. And she highly doubted the people who called her _The Herald of Andraste_ would infringe upon her private quarters.

The sun was hanging low in the west, casting long shadows across the stone, the eastern sky already dark as night fell over the Frostbacks. Shadan felt a yawn threaten at the back of her throat and she shook her head irritably. She wanted to finish reviewing before the next day, sleep could wait at least a little bit longer. Closing the door with a kick of her heel, she rolled her wrist as she went up the stairs. Sparks of lightning arced between her fingers, she smiled with satisfaction and at the small comfort of feeling her magic at her fingertips. In the rising chaos she found herself at least she could still control this. Reaching the top step, she only _barely_ stopped herself from throwing a startled fireball when The Iron Bull spoke.

“So,” he smirked at seeing the Vashoth jerk in surprise. He probably didn't know how close he had just come to having a fireball lobbed at his face, but you could never truly guess with him. “I’ve caught the hints and I get what you’re saying.” He lowered his head a degree, a roguish smile pulling at the scarred side of his mouth. “You want to ride the Bull.” 

To her credit Shadan overcame her surprise quickly, willing away the lightning and the warmth of flames from her fingers. “That so?” she barely contained her indulgent smirk at the man’s unapologetic gall. His intentions were more than obvious, but she was curious to see his next step. She walked across the room, only looking up from her reports after setting them down on her desk. 

The Iron Bull grinned and stood up. “Yeah, well, can’t say I blame you. I mean-” he gestured at himself, “Come on.” The mage laughed and he smiled, taking the warm, easy sound as encouragement, and walked towards her. “Thing is,” he paused for a moment when Shadan stepped away from her desk, pushing him out of her way with a single finger against his chest. The Qunari smiled wickedly at her back as she walked to the shelf. “Thing _is_ , I’m not sure you know what you’re asking. Less sure that you’d be ready for it.”

Shadan gave a derisive snort and picked a record book from the shelf, taking a moment to study him. Since his recruitment, Bull had come along with her on a handful of assignments. Mostly simple things for Shadan to get over her lingering suspicion of the Ben-Hassrath, and she had found him… Surprising. The fact that he didn't care she was Vashoth, at least not the kind he hated, was the most telling. The second being his calm confidence not rising to the defensive when she critiqued the restrictive life of the Qun. She had learned to pay him back in kind by doing her best not to bristle when he mentioned Tal-Vashoth. They had quickly reached a mutual understanding of not debating the finer points of each other’s upbringing too deeply. Now simply wasn't the time for philosophical debates. Not when the sky was bleeding demons.

He was obviously a dependable hand in a fight, but also a steady, entertaining companion in the field. His tendency towards being an absolutely shameless flirt on top of it all simply made him amusing. Shadan had never denied that she was attracted to the large man, but-

No matter how much she'd considered the idea in quiet moments over the last few months, she’d simply been too busy to pursue it. Dealing with time magic. Rogues mages. Mad Templars. The directionless Chantry. The Breach. An ancient darkspawn that thought himself a God. All while making sure the Inquisition had basic things like food, mounts and beds. 

Still.

Shadan tilted her head a degree and something in his eye told her that Bull knew what was going through her head. He knew she was weighing him- And herself. She knew she would’ve gotten a response out of him sooner or later. You didn't flirt with a man like him, innocently or no, without expecting him to eventually try backing it up with action.

“Bull,” she leveled, and her tone did seem to deflate his smolder a bit, but even so, he gave an amused chuckle at her supposed indifference. Stepping back to place the half-filled tome on her desk, she took time to arrange it just-so as if she could care less about making him wait. There was that deep, rolling chuckle again and she felt the faint ghost of a flush crawl up her neck. Her arousal was like a live thing gently being stirred awake. She didn’t know whether to be embarrassed by her body's instinctive response to that simple sound, but she did her damnedest not to react to it outwardly. Finally facing him, she leaned her hip against the side of the desk. “My _readiness_ isn’t the thing in question.”

The Iron Bull raised his brow, mirroring her folded arms and leaning his weight back a little, looking her up and down with an easy smile.

Shadan gestured at the stack of vellum and paper, “As you can _plainly_ see, I’m a very busy person. The Inquisition isn’t a simple enterprise, after all.” She lifted a brow and shrugged a shoulder, “The real question is if you’d be worth my time.”

He finally laughed at that, the sound prying an honest smile from her. “Boss, I can leave if you’d rather do paperwork.” 

A part of her did and her smiled faded a little at the thought. She needed to focus on Skyhold and the Inquisition, but a little voice stubbornly insisted that she wasn’t meeting at the war table until midday tomorrow. It clamored for a break, some respite from the chaos, if only to continue banter that wasn’t somehow related to the war.

Or the damned rifts.

Or Corypheus.

That voice was also _very_ clear on what _it_ wanted to do to The Iron Bull, but she tamped down that line of thought- At least for the moment. Feigning dismay, playing his game, she pulled out her chair, “Wouldn’t figure you were one to run from a challenge, but I’m used to disappointment.”

Facing the desk, she didn’t realize Bull had stepped forward until his palm was over her hand. Turning, now with barely more than a handsbreadth between them, she looked up at the scant few inches he had on her. A grin tugged at his mouth when her hazel eyes widened at suddenly finding him so close, startling her out of her collected bearing for a fleeting moment. “See Boss, that’s a problem. I’ve got the Charger’s reputation to think about.” He slowly pushed the chair in, his rough, calloused palm resting a little more heavily on the back of her hand. “That kind of talk?" he leaned forward an inch, "Bad for business.”

She tilted her chin up, catching some spice on his breath and her lips curled into a smile at the thought of him preparing for this before climbing up to her chamber. “Well, you’ll just have to change my mind, won’t you?”

He smirked, fingers wrapping lightly around her wrist. “Guess so.” A warm tremor crawled down her spine at the lowered cadence of his already deep voice. He stepped forward and he was already so close to her that she instinctively moved back, shoulders meeting the wall. His nose brushed the tip of hers, “Last chance.”

Shadan suddenly felt dwarfed by the size of him, a feeling she was quite unfamiliar with, but behind the heat, she saw the patience in his remaining eye. She smiled at him, repeating her earlier sentiment, “Show me you're worth it.”

Bull grinned with a zeal that reminded her of the high dragon they had spotted in the Hinterlands and his intense eagerness to track the damned thing down. He wasted no time in pressing his mouth to hers. Shadan couldn't help but chuckle at his eagerness, smiling against his rough lips and palming the back of his neck. Holding him close. His kisses where insistent, but slow, as if holding himself back. Shadan had no doubt in her mind that he was reining himself in and the thought sent warmth simmering through her veins. She nipped playfully at his bottom lip and he grinned.

His thumb brushed over the pulse of her encircled wrist and she wondered distantly if he could feel the increased tempo of her heart there. Slowly dragging his lips across her jaw he captured her other wrist. He deepened the kiss, groaning into her as he pressed her wrists to the stone above her head, caging her against the wall with his body. Shadan shoulders tensed, the restraint instinctively putting her on guard, and he slowed, dialing back to trail kisses along her jawline. Waiting. That patience and the delicious warmth of him quickly bled the tension away and, now curious, she let him gather both of her wrists into one large hand. Slipping his other hand under the back of her tunic, he molded a warm palm against the small of her back, fingertips kneading, and pulled her hips against his with a firm tug. “Convinced yet?” he muttered into her ear. 

“You talk too much,” she chuckled and leaned back in to catch his lips, which Bull returned easily, a laugh echoing deep in his chest. She pressed her hips forward in his grip, feeling the firm line of the Qunari’s cock underneath the ridiculous striped pants he wore. This earned a rumbling groan from his throat and without breaking the kiss, he dropped Shadan’s arms. Grabbing the back of her thighs he lifted her up against him, swallowing her surprised grunt as she instinctively gripped her knees around his waist. He rolled his hips up against her, pinning her against the wall solely by the solid press of his body.Pulse skipping a beat, Shadan grabbed at him with her now free hands, dragging her nails down the impressive width of his horns. "A little eager, are we?" she laughed against his lips, pressing her fingertips behind his ears and down the back of his neck. Some small part of her was surprised by just how quickly she was responding to him, but after her prolonged dry spell- Having this large, warm, powerful body pressed against her, sending tingling tremors of heat through her veins, it was a _very_ welcome change.

Bull shot her a look that made her grin in reply, before busying himself with undoing the catches on the front of her tunic, his mouth leaving a hot trail of open mouthed kisses and the light scrape of teeth down her neck. Shadan tilted her head back with a soft sound, the metal caps on her horns scraping against the stone, and he took the opening to bite gently into the crook of her neck. The woman jerked at that, giving a startled noise that melted to a purr as he laved away the sting with a drag of his tongue. He smiled against her exposed throat, using one arm to slip into her opened tunic, trailing fingers around her back and up her spine, making her arch appreciatively towards him. Bull chuckled, grabbing her rear with his other hand and stepped back from the wall. He made a pleased groan against her collar when she wrapped her legs firmly around his waist. Holding her up on the way to the bed was more a formality because _damn_ she had strong legs. However, that didn’t mean he would deny himself the opportunity to grab the ass he had been eyeing, more-or-less surreptitiously, for the last several weeks. 

Bull laid her down when he reached the side of the bed. Leaning over her he nudged her chin up to nip at her throat while his broad fingertips trailed over her sides and stomach. Shadan muttered impatiently under her breath, sitting up enough to pull off her parted tunic and toss it to the floor. Bull was snickering when she pulled him up by the horns, giving him a dark look. “Bull,” she told him heatedly, “I don't appreciate being teased.” 

The Qunari gave a grin which brought to mind images of cats and canaries, “It isn't teasing if I back it up.” 

“Then back it up,” she growled, her smile softening the edges of her tone, and hooked her ankles behind him, pulling him towards her with an impatient glare. 

Bull laughed, kissing her nose which earned a muttering growl as she dropped her heels back to the edge of mattress. “Patience, Boss,” he said, eye full of promises. He leaned back to unbuckle the leather rig of his shoulder armor and shook it off, bending back down to nip at the skin just below her sternum. Unlacing her breastband he threw it aside, capturing a nipple in his mouth and rolling it around with his tongue, smirking against her dark skin when she sucked in a breath through her teeth. He thumbed over the curve of her hipbone, unlacing her trousers as he paid similar attention to her other breast. 

Shadan arched into him, running her hands over the back of his shoulders, tracing scars with her fingertips before traveling up the back of his head to massage the sensitive skin at the base of his horns. Bull groaned against her chest, feeling a sudden spark of fire jolt down his spine. It had been years since a lover had gotten to his horns with any accurate or honest intent behind them. Grunting, he shook his head, dislodging her hands as his namesake would scatter flies. She took that as a challenge to try again and he resorted to grabbing her wrists in order to keep her from distracting him further. He pressed them into the mattress just above her head and took a moment to appreciate how the move stretched her out underneath him. Her body was one forged with function in mind, strong shoulders, a tightly muscled abdomen and powerful legs made for long treks over rough terrain.

“Bull?” she questioned, frowning up at him, her aroused blush mottling her dark gray skin with an almost lavender tint across her chest and shoulders. Her deep breaths making her chest rise and fall in very pleasing ways.

He reassured her with a half-smile and pressed his forehead to hers. “Save that for next time,” he murmured roughly. 

Shadan still had the presence of mind to snort, still challenging him, “You have a pretty high opinion of yourself if you’re already assuming there’s going to be a next t- Aah!” she gasped sharply when Bull slipped his hand inside her loosened trousers. He gave her a pointed look as he delicately traced her moist lips with his fingers, smirking when she bent her head back, eyes rolling shut. He stroked her lightly, barely entering more than the tip of his finger as his thumb circled just around her clit. He pinched and stroked the slick flesh between his fingers, testing and surveying her by touch. It didn't take long for her to start squirming again. “For fuck’s sake Bull!” she groaned in exasperation, bucking her hips towards him. Warmth was pooling in her gut and the man had barely started yet! In answer, Bull slipped one thick finger into her all the way up to his knuckle. Her hips jerked in surprise, letting out a low grunt which turned to low, heavy breaths as he started stroking her inner walls in slow, exploratory touches. Crooking his finger experimentally he chuckled when she arched up off the bed, pressing her hips down into his hand. Leaning down he slowly added a second finger, it slipped snuggly into her slickened warmth and Bull growled alongside Shadan’s breathy moan. Pumping his fingers slowly, crooking them forward on each upstroke the woman was soon twisting in his grasp. 

Bull blinked when Shadan suddenly knocked her head against his, their horns meeting with a dull clack. He stopped his hand immediately, but gave a sharp grin at her scowl and wide pupils. "Yes?" he asked, tone unaffected as he smiled.

“I swear, if you don’t stop teasing me," she growled breathlessly, "I'm going to flay you with my mind.” Her arms were taut in his grip, skin flushed, legs quivering on either side of him.

Bull had been waiting for that and he almost regrettably eased his fingers from her, kissing her soundly and releasing her wrists. A few moments passed with him wrestling off their boots, his ankle brace hitting the floor with a thud, before climbing up onto the bed. He grabbed her around the waist to bodily move her around until she laid properly on the mattress. She made a show of being manhandled by kneeing him harmlessly in the side. Bull grinned at her as he kneeled between her legs. Hands still encircling her waist Bull bent down to nuzzle just under her navel, breathing in the scent of her warmed skin. Shadan gave an unbidden chuckle as his rough stubble and the metal of his eyepatch tickled her, her irritation at his delays fading even as her heart continued to thud rapidly in her chest. She propped herself up on her elbows to watch him and he glanced up at her, his remaining eye dark with intentions. 

"Turn over," Bull said calmly, thumbs rubbing into the dip of her hips exposed by her loosened trousers.

She blinked down at him, surprised, fighting the tremors rekindling under the heat of his hands, "What?" 

He lifted his scarred brow, smiling reassuringly, "Trust me." He settled back on his heels, the bed creaking unhappily beneath his weight. "If you don't like anything I do, I’m absolutely okay if you hit me with lighting or something." 

Shadan snickered at that, considering him for a moment as his eye roved unapologetically over her half naked body. She had never been a submissive person, on or off the field, and had gotten her fill of being vulnerable many years ago. At this point the concept of not turning your back was so deeply ingrained that it went well past instinctive caution. She didn’t even like being in a room without having a wall to her back and she **knew** that was something he would have noticed. But something about him made her feel... safe? She had handed him the reins, telling him to show her what he had and yet he was letting her set the pace, only proceeding when she became impatient or flat out demanded more from him. It wasn't as if she had thought he was going to overwhelm and ravage her like a hero from a romantic serial, but she hadn't expected patience and self-restraint of all things.

Bull gave her a look as if he could see the wheels turning in her head, it was something warm and humored, but also vaguely predatory. She dropped back down on the mattress as he crawled up over her, pressing his forehead firmly to hers. The contact sparked a trail of goosebumps down her back when his horns rubbed intentionally against the sensitive bases of hers. Shadan tried to bite back her moan, but Bull took it from her, slanting his mouth over hers with a low sound. Their only contact for several long moments was his lips against hers and his knee against the inside of her thigh. When he pulled back his expression was serious. “Trust me,” he asked again.

Shadan studied him for a long moment, chewing the inside of her bottom lip, before nodding slightly. He smiled softly, an almost out of place expression given the roughness of his features, and gently butted her forehead. She butted back, nose wrinkling a little with her smile at the childish gesture. She scooted, bringing up her legs to turn around, hearing a click of metal behind her as Bull divested himself of his wide leather belt. Shadan barely had her knees under her when Bull's hand snaked under her waist and lifted her the rest of the way. Losing balance at the unexpected help she dropped forward. Straightening back up on her hands and knees, she found herself covered. Bull’s scarred torso was pressed against the length of her back, sending goosebumps down her arms at his somehow burning contrast to her already heated skin. He slotted their still clothed hips together with the hand he held at her waist, languidly grinding himself against her as he nipped at her bowed neck. Gradually gentling away the tension in her shoulders with his tongue and teeth, Bull smoothed his hand down between her thighs. “You’re quiet all of a sudden,” he rumbled into her shoulder. 

“I’m n- Ah fuck,” she groaned, arching her back when he curled a finger into her. “Bastard,” she chuckled wryly, raising her head back to knock the curl of her horns to the top of his. 

He butted her back, stroking her and smirking against her skin when she rolled her hips back against him. He teased her for another few moments, adding another finger to stretch her, his own heart beginning to pound in his ears, losing his rhythm. Bull pulled his hand from her, quickly throwing off his own pants and helping her kick off her trousers and smalls. He exhaled against her back, running his palm up the inside of her bared thigh, feeling the tight muscle quiver under her soft skin.

Shadan gave a whimper, but strangled the meek sound with a frustrated moan and bucked back against his hips. She lifted her hand to grab the back of his neck, anchoring herself as she groaned his name through her teeth.

He grunted, shifting, pushing her legs with his knee to where he wanted them and, without further ceremony, slowly pressed into her. Shadan arched like a drawn bow, nails digging into his neck as he gradually filled her, rough keening moans being pulled from her throat at each short rolling thrust. Bull pressed his brow against her shoulders, back hunched, breathing heavily through his nose as his focus narrowed around her tight pulsing heat.

A current of electricity sparked down her back when Bull completely buried himself inside of her. Shadan shuddered under him, nails scratching lightly as she dropped her hand from his neck. Bull followed her as she dropped forward to her elbows, flinching only slightly as he kissed her still sparking back. "Boss," he said, nipping her shoulder, "I said you could electrocute me if you _didn’t_ like what I did," he chuckled roughly, catching his breath with a smile and a roll of his hips. 

"Don't let it go to your head," she said, panting heavily around her words. She let out a strangled moan when he ground his hips against her and she buried her face in her arms to muffle the noise.

“No promises,” he growled into her shoulder, the sound vibrating through her back and further stoking the fire in her belly before he started moving. She tensed and melted in time with him, each firm thrust eliciting a strangled noise from her throat. She dug her toes into the blankets, trying to find some kind of purchase as he built up to a relentless pace. Arching back in time with his rhythm, she was jerked out of beat when he grabbed under her hips and pressed at her clit. 

Shadan gasped, her body trembling hard under the assault and Bull wasn’t faring much better, worrying at her neck with his lips and teeth, murmuring broken words of Qunlat into her ear. Grunting, he changed the angle of his hips and Shadan shouted, biting off curses as he hit that angle over and over. Bull grabbed the pointed tip of her ear with his teeth, smirking when she keened at the contact, and growled her name. Electricity crackled and sparked across her skin and she bowed her head with a choked moan when her climax finally slammed into her. Heated tremors washed out over her body, shoulders and back loosening as the waves rolled over her. She yelped breathlessly when Bull released her ear and bit into the bend of her neck, holding onto her as he drove in hard twice before stilling over her. 

Shadan dropped forward against her pillows, stretching her arms languidly as he pulsed inside of her, groaning when he gave one last press of his hips. Bull released her shoulder, passing his tongue over the indentation he had left and started trailing open kisses down between her shoulder blades. He panted against her, his breaths leaving a trail of goosebumps on her wetted skin and chuckled lowly in his throat. Easing himself out of her drew a mewling noise he committed to memory, but knew far better than to _ever_ mention to her face. At least not when she was armed. She let her hips fall to the mattress, stretching lazily on her stomach, curving towards him when he placed his hands on her waist, thumbs stroking circles into the small of her back. 

Bull smirked with self-satisfaction, running his wide hands up and down the mage’s back, fingers slowly kneading over tight muscle, every once in a while feeling the ghost of an electrical shock in her skin. She had her cheek resting on her arm, eyes half-closed, features more relaxed than he thought he’d ever seen before. The good-natured jibe on his tongue withdrew at her long, contented sigh when he smoothed his palms over the knotted muscles in her shoulders. He had known that she was tired, but he hadn’t planned on this working out quite so effectively and he allowed himself a smile for a job well done.

Bull grabbed a thick fur blanket from the footboard and draped it over her as he kneeled off the bed, shushing her drowsy protest. Sweeping her mohawk back from her forehead, knuckles brushing over the soft, closely shorn hair on the side of her head, he rubbed the base of her horn until she slowly drifted off. When her eyelids slid closed Bull redressed, not that he honestly had much to put on in the first place, and quietly made his way to the short stairway leading to the door. With a hand on the stone banister he glanced back, seeing Shadan’s face burrowed into the pillows, the line of her body rising and falling as she drifted off into the Fade. Rolling his shoulders, he strode down the steps, already planning future ways to relax the overworked and overwrought leader of the Inquisition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo!
> 
> Cookie for anyone who notices the Liara line that I didn't realize was a Liara line until a page and a half after I wrote it XD


	2. Ground Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Take me" line in the second romance scene completely kills the entire scene for me. It hurts and it makes the Inquisitor sound like a chick from one of those cheap bodice rippers. So, again, this is my spin on how this scene went between my Adaar and The Bull. Sorta. I also ramble a bit about Shadan's perspective on stuff n’ things since I think I’ll be continuing this as I can.
> 
> This is still pre-Demands of the Qun since I wanna play with how their relationship can develop around the event instead of strictly after it. I left in some dialogue from the game, most of IB’s is great so I didn’t feel it needed much tweaking.
> 
>  
> 
> **[Final Revision 12/5/2017]**

Shadan yawned so widely she thought, just for a moment, that her jaw was going to crack.

“You should really get some rest, my Lady.”

The Inquisitor rubbed away tears with the heel of her palm and looked over at the male elf clearing out the cold gray ashes from the braziers in the main hall. He was a member of Skyhold’s cleaning staff and she felt guilty that she had no idea what his name was, but offered him a warm smile. “I'll rest when this is all over,” she said, fighting and barely suppressing another yawn. Shadan had taken a very late supper, bringing her advisor’s reports with her, but now her food was cold, barely touched, the sky outside was dark and her reports were still unfinished. Organizing and meeting with dignitaries was never enjoyable, but Josephine repeatedly stressed that it was imperative. Necessity or not, staying on the good side of sanctimonious Orlesian noblewomen was exhausting. She resisted the urge to sink forward on the table and bury her head in her arms. It was not a dignified way for the _Herald of Andraste_ to present herself and that thought made her want to do it even more.

She sighed, standing and gesturing to the scrawny teen following behind the elf. He trotted over immediately, realizing after a few steps that his arms were still laden with fresh wood and flint for the braziers. After a short second of panic, he rushed back to put down his tools and then came to her side. Shadan smiled warmly at the anxious boy, handing him the thick sheaf of papers, “Please take these and place them on Lady Montilyet’s desk.”

The boy nodded eagerly and with a hurried, “Yes, Inquisitor,” he ran off.

Standing up from the table she touched the elf’s shoulder with a nod of appreciation before leaving the hall. Outside the doors, she stood and breathed in the mountain air, feeling a little more awake now that she was moving. Smoothing her red mohawk back from her forehead she made her way down the steps into the empty courtyard.

It was well past dusk and the two full moons shone brightly in the clear sky overhead. The marginally warmer air trapped inside the stone walls of the keep carried with it the distant clang of a lone smith's hammer and drowsy nickers and bleats from the stables. Much of the bustling activity around Skyhold wound down around sunset, with most people retiring to their rooms or the barracks. However, she could hear people in the tavern still raucously welcoming Harding and her scouts back from the Hinterlands. The company was restocking and resting on their way over the mountains (and across most of Orlais) to start surveying the Western Approach. They would be following reports of a temple somehow related to the odd shards their forces kept finding out in the field.

Her mind wandered as she cleared her head in the cool and mostly quiet courtyard, and not for the first time her thoughts drifted to The Iron Bull. It had only been a short while since their little tryst, but she still wasn't quite sure what to make of him. He fought beside her, followed her orders and worked alongside the others just as well if not better than before, but gave absolutely no indication that anything had happened between the two of them. His flirting hadn't even increased or backed off. She wasn't sure whether to be annoyed by her apparent lack of an effect on the man or pleased by his discretion. A small part of her even wondered if he now viewed her as a singular conquest. Then that same part berated the rest for not having boundaries laid out _before_ she had let him into her bed. She shrugged off the train of thought, not one to get too emotionally invested over a one-night stand, if that's what it even was. She frowned to herself, the question of where she now stood with him niggled at the back of her mind, so she turned towards the tavern to get her answers.

Shadan opened the door and was greeted by a wall of dissonant noise. Yelling, laughing, banging, off-key drunken singing and so much more of the like. She forgot her purpose for a moment, smiling at the camaraderie in the Inquisition's forces. That was until she somehow heard one booming laugh over all the clamor.

Wading into the crowded room, her height making it only marginally easier to navigate around, she spotted Krem and Harding at the far end of the main room and waved them down. Krem was helping a very inebriated man to a bench before he fell, so Shadan signaled that she was looking for Bull. Doing so by making a pantomime of his horns and gesturing upstairs where she thought she had heard him. Harding nodded, mouthing something the mage couldn't hear over all the noise, and pointed up at the staircase. Shadan nodded her thanks and maneuvered her way upstairs.

Reaching the landing she saw Bull in an arm wrestling match against two dwarven scouts. One was trying to gain leverage against the Qunari by bracing a foot against the wall, the other strained with her free hand gripping the end of the table. Neither effort did more than slow the gradual turn of Bull's arm and their knuckles hit the table with a thud. Cheers rang out around the table from both sides of the match, made louder when Bull ordered another round of drinks for everyone within earshot. Bull was at his best here, amidst the rank and file. This was a perspective Shadan was starting to lose as the Inquisition grew and she had almost forgotten how much she missed it. She missed her friends in the Valo-Kas. Shokrakar's gruff attitude and even Kaariss' lengthy sonnets.

Shadan hadn't been the Inquisitor for very long, but she was nothing if not adaptable. She had never wanted this position or the responsibility, but not once did she run from it. She knew how to lead men into battle and that respect was earned through deed, not assumed through title. And despite her personal distain for The Game, with her advisor’s tutelage she was maneuvering with a relative degree of grace through the scheming and politics. Everything she did was for the Inquisition, to gain strength and allies to fight Corypheus. Establishing footholds in regions branching out from Skyhold, weeding out pockets of Red Templars and groups like the Freemen. Doing all she could to show the Inquisition as a present and proactive entity. And all of it was on her. If they failed or if the Inquisition faltered in its goal, it would quite literally be her head on the block.

Bull glanced her way and grinned widely, waving her over, "Inquisitor! Have a drink!"

She had too much on the line, she needed to settle this distraction.

Shadan shook her head as she made her way over. "Actually, Bull, if you're done shaming Harding's people," she threw a smirk at the two dwarves who raised their cups to their joint defeat, "I need to speak with you."

The Qunari's bearing sobered, seeming to actively spite the multiple empty flagons on his end of the table. He was curious, but she could see the Ben-Hassrath analyzing her and no doubt running through every topic she could possibly be bringing up. "Sure, Boss, lead the way.”

\---

Bull stepped out of the way once she closed the door, letting her take the lead up the stairs. “So,” he drawled, absently noting that Shadan, or more likely Josephine, had finally gotten a proper lock installed, “What did you want to talk about?”

Shadan paused for a moment when she reached the top step, glancing down at him. “I need some clarification on what happened _here_ ,” she gestured to the room before moving out of the way.

“Oh, _that_.” Bull followed her up, standing against the stone railing beside the couch and watched her pace with a quirked brow. He surveyed the room in a moment, not much had changed, aside from the worsened state of barely contained chaos on her desk. And a thin sky blue scarf draped across the arm of her couch. Likely a gift from one of the visiting Orlesians. Refocusing on Shadan he relaxed his posture, “No regrets I hope?”

“No, it-” she huffed irritably when she couldn't find her exact words. This earned a chuckle from him. Shadan bristled, thinking at first that he was teasing her, but the heat in his eye brought memories of his hands on her and his teeth at her neck. She wondered, albeit belatedly, if it had been wise to bring him back to her quarters to talk. Not that she was spoiled for choice. Given the fact that Skyhold still had gaping holes in many of its chambers, this was the most private room she knew. She was also at least mostly certain that Leliana didn’t have her quarters watched... Mostly. 

“Why did you come up that day?” she asked after another moment of thought.

Bull shrugged, “You needed a distraction, so I took some initiative.”

Shadan folded her arms across her chest. “Initiative?” she echoed incredulously.

The man shrugged again, “You were getting wound tighter and tighter every day." Gesturing to himself he continued in a reasonable tone, “Ben-Hassrath, remember? You're easier to read than you think." He nodded an affirmative at her sharply raised brow, "It was obvious you weren't going to ask outright, but you needed it.”

“I needed _you_ , you mean?” she asked dryly.

Bull smirked, leaning back and propping his elbows up on the stone rail behind him. “You didn’t so much need _me_ , you just needed a fucking break.”

“Interesting choice of words,” Shadan noted with a half-smile, making Bull grin.

“Okay, this is how it goes.” He pushed off the banister and took a step towards her with each measured statement. “You were thrown ass over tea kettle into a war you didn't ask for. Had a power forced on you that absolutely _no one_ would want and now you have thousands of lives weighing on your decisions. More every day." He stopped barely a stride away from her, noting how her arms were still firmly folded, guarding herself. "You were just a mercenary a couple of months ago, but now you’re the head of one of the fastest growing powers in Thedas.” He tucked his thumbs into the front of his belt, “That’d be too much for anyone.”

“I’m fine, Bull,” Shadan said, brushing him off, but he caught the barest hint of hesitation in her eyes.

“No, you’re not,” he growled firmly making her blink at his sudden shift in tone. “You’re not as together as you look, or _think_ , you are.” Bull didn’t bend under the warning look she was giving him and he was reminded, not for the first time, of the unyielding Tamassrans in Par Vollen. Undeterred, he did gentle his tone, “Keeping up that tough front all the time? That's going to break you _long_ before you get a chance to reach Corypheus. And you know it.” 

He saw her shoulders droop, so he paused for a moment to let that last statement sink in. Catching that glimpse of her actual mental and physical fatigue, he continued pressing, slipping easily through that crack in her defenses, his tone sympathetic. “You didn’t ask for any of this. And damn if you aren’t doing an incredible fucking job at it, but you’re just one person.” Bull took that final step forward into her space, looking down from their slight difference in height. “What you _need_ is a place to put your feet up for a little while. A place where you don’t have to be the Inquisitor or _The Herald_.” He tilted her chin up with a crooked knuckle. “And I can fill that need.”

Shadan tipped her head up, a faint line between her brows, eyes searching for a moment before closing them with a sigh. Exhausted. She leaned into Bull just a little, dropping her arms to her sides, humming softly as he ghosted his knuckle down the column of her throat. She’d be lying if she said the idea wasn’t an appealing one or that his assessment of her was entirely false, but she was still unsure. She was just so damn _tired_ and it'd be so easy to- She gently grabbed his wrist, stopping the downward trailing of his fingers and looked up at him. “What's in it for you?” she asked, immediately rolling her eyes at the salacious quirk to his mouth, “ _Aside_ from the obvious, please.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” he chuckled softly, “This is about you.”

She frowned, not accepting his lack of an answer and leaned away from him, though she was reluctant to fully step away. “I’m serious, Bull.”

“So am I,” he assured, but she put a full step between them and her hands on her hips, staring him down with a raised brow. He sighed, rolling his eye with a smile, knowing by now that the Inquisitor wouldn’t let up after she set her mind to something. Would have been a hell of a Tamassran, or even an Avaarad, if she hadn't been a mage born outside the Qun. “Alright,” he lightened his tone, “Forgive me if I have a _slight_ personal interest in making sure you don’t burn out. At least not before you get a chance to take out that crazy darkspawn bastard.”

“See? I knew you couldn’t be completely selfless”, she smirked halfheartedly.

Bull curved a hand behind her back and slowly pulled her towards him, distinctly pleased when she didn't resist. “I’m anything but selfless,” he said in an intentionally low rumble that made the instinctive hind part of her brain jump to attention. “The distinction is, I’m a team player,” he smirked, his voice still canted low, pressing his horns to hers so their noses brushed. “And this helps the team.”

Shadan made a thoughtful noise and closed her eyes, taking a moment to indulge in the warmth and solidity of Bull supporting her.

He smiled a little to himself that she was calmed, or perhaps tired enough, to drop her protective mask a little more. She really was _incredibly_ easy to figure out when you knew what to look for. Guarding herself with aggression and wit to cushion against the stress and pressure she handled every day. Then again, on the same hand, he had to admit he was growing to admire her for just how transparent she was. How much she cared and worked to do the right thing. To help as many as she could. If she was more practical about it he’d almost consider her Qunari with how she always put others before herself. Regardless, the Vashoth was tough, resourceful, hotter than anything when she was fighting, and he _wanted_ to help her. He knew that she didn't have the same reservations about casual ‘relationships’ as a lot of Southerners did and likewise she knew the perspective he grew up with.

Still.

He knew he was fluffing his own rules since Qunari didn’t sleep with their friends. In truth, he supposed, they weren’t friends. Not really. Allies absolutely and until the rifts and Darkspawn bullshit was sorted out he’d defend her with his life, as his orders required. So, he figured he could make an exception for the supposed Herald of Andraste. Bull dropped his arm from her back when she stepped away, watching her curiously.

Shadan took a breath to collect herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay, I need," she scowled, taking another step away as she thought and Bull resisted a smirk. Was his proximity really so distracting? She exhaled, looking at him directly, "If we do this, not as some one-off thing, I need ground rules to keep it straight." She chuckled without humor, "Like you said, I have a lot to handle. Clarification keeps things neat."

"Boss, I'm from Par Vollen. I'm all about rules."

She rolled her eyes, leaning against the bedpost and trying not to smile, "Yeah Bull, you're an absolute paragon of the Qun."

He just grinned in reply. "Okay, ground rules," he started. “Outside this room nothing changes. You're the Inquisitor. You're the Boss and I'll follow your lead. But here," he spun a finger around the room. "It's just us. You drop everything at the door. Corypheus. The Inquisition. The politics. Everything.” He paused at the furrow in her brow, “Can you do that?”

Shadan shifted her feet, fidgeting a little, “It’s a _lot_ to just drop, Bull.” At his steady, patient look she sighed, “I can try.”

He nodded, satisfied with that, “Next, we can work up to it, but I will never hurt you without your permission. You will always be safe with me.” He noted her brow rising slightly at the concept of her willingly asking for pain, but continued when she said nothing. “Last, if you want me to stop or I do _anything_ that makes you uncomfortable, you say ‘Katoh,’ and it’s done. No questions asked.”

“None?” Shadan questioned with a slight lilt of disbelief.

“If you didn’t already trust me,” he said, stepping forward. “I wouldn’t be here in the first place.” Bull stopped a handsbreadth from her, “Are you okay with this?”

Shadan chewed the inside of her bottom lip, considering him and the entire proposal as it was. She was not so blind as to completely ignore the fact that he was still Qunari AND a spy. He had been very forthcoming with the fact that he’d been ordered to get ‘close to those in charge’. Though she doubted they had meant it in this fashion. And even though she had asked for it, she bristled a bit at the very neat and blatantly _Qunari_ arrangement. The clinical detachment and efficiency somehow representing all the reasons her parents had fled Par Vollen and what she had hidden from for most of her life. Still, somehow, for all of her doubts, she found herself trusting him. At least enough to allow him to be a harbor in the insane storm she had found herself in.

“Yeah,” she said finally, looking him in the eye as she beckoned him forward. “I’m good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah no sex in this chapter cuz it was just dragging on and I wanted to get a second chapter in under a month, i will write the scene in the next chapter tho. Promise :3  
> I'm planning to actually make this a series so not eeeeevery chapter will have the smut. I know it's terrible but that's how it is lol
> 
> Communication is very important so that's why this chapter exists. Nuff said.


	3. Blinded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rofl it’s an interesting exercise writing this and my other fic at the same time since, y’know, it’s the same pairing just at different points in their relationship *thumbsup* fun stuff :D
> 
> **[Final Revision 12/5/2017]**

The kiss started slowly, his large hands at her hips and hers holding the back of his head. Bull looped his fingers in her belt, leading her around the edge of the bed. Too focused on his lips, Shadan stumbled when the back of her knees bumped against the bed frame. She broke from the kiss with a small sound, grabbing one of his horns to keep from falling. Hanging from his horn by one hand, she chuckled at his amused look then pulled him to her again as she dropped back onto the mattress.

His hands at her waist, Bull caught her bottom lip in his teeth, growling, “Hands up,” before moving down to mouth at her throat. The moment she released his horns, he slid her suddenly unbuckled belt off and looped it around her wrists.

Shadan twisted her head around to look at her bound hands, gasping at the sudden scrape of sharp teeth along the flexed tendon in her neck.

“I’ve got you,” he breathed against her skin, cinching the belt snuggly and then moving down to unbutton her shirt. Shadan let out a slow breath to steady her quickened heart, but sucked it back through her teeth when Bull’s hot mouth reached her skin. With her shirt opened and his hands around the curve of her waist he pulled her towards him, slotting his hips between her legs as he assaulted her bared abdomen with his teeth and tongue. He chuckled warmly when she jumped in his hands, making strangled keening noises as he resumed sucking at the spot just above the curve of her hipbone. “Never figured you'd be ticklish,” he rumbled, stroking the same spot on her other side with his thumb, making her writhe under his hands.

Shadan bit back a laugh, wriggling in a perfunctory effort to escape, “I didn’t exactly Ah!- give you a chance to find out last time,” she chuckled breathlessly.

Bull nipped her hard on her hip making her yelp with surprise and scowl halfheartedly at him. “I’ll need to be more thorough this time then.” He backed off and Shadan looked up to see him grab the thin scarf from her couch.

Shadan swung her legs a bit to sit back up, her belted wrists in her lap, watching him slowly, meticulously remove his shoulder armor, belt and bracers. His harder bite stung faintly on her hip and her skin was still buzzing warmly from his touch. Somewhere between her body and her brain, arousal was jumbling the translation of the pain with her desire. She wondered for a moment if he’d planned on that, given that very particular stipulation he had made in their agreement.

“I’d like to try something, if you’re alright with it,” he said, kneeling in front of her and pulling off her boots.

Shadan quirked a brow, lifting her hands and wiggling her fingers at him, “Are you going to tie me up with something a bit more comfortable than my belt?”

Bull smirked, tossing her second boot over his shoulder, “No.” The boot thudded somewhere but Shadan didn't bother glancing up to see where.

She dropped her hands, still not exactly sure of his game, but after a moment she blinked at him incredulously, “You want to _blindfold_ me?” Shadan rolled her eyes, “What’s next? My ankles to the footboard?”

He grinned, “Maybe next time.” The frank lechery in his tone made her flush and she only hoped it was hidden in her dark skin. He at least acted as if he did not see it, explaining evenly, “The blindfold will help you focus.”

Shadan tilted her head a little, smirking slightly, “Bull, you already have my full attention.”

He chuckled, teeth showing past his smile as he rose to his feet and bent forward to brace his hands on the bed at either side of her. “Close your eyes.”

Shadan quirked a brow at the gentle command, eventually giving an indulgent sigh and doing as instructed, her brows raised expectantly. Nothing happened for several long seconds and she gradually frowned, feeling Bull’s eye on her, knowing he hadn’t moved an inch. The room itself was quiet, the mountain winds whistling outside. Low distant sounds traveled up through the stones of the castle, but she found herself gradually focusing on the soft, steady sound of Bull’s breath. Another long moment passed, her heart kicking up a beat with anticipation for _something_ to happen and she nearly opened her eyes again.

“Keep them closed,” Bull whispered, his carefully low tone sounding loud in the stillness. She didn’t see his smile at her unconsciously matching the rate of her breathing to his. “It’s just you and me,” he said in the same pitch, pushing her shirt off one shoulder to lightly nip at her skin. He dragged his warm mouth across her collarbone before repeating the gesture on the other side, “Remember?”

Shadan nodded, trying and failing to stop her surprised twitches when he moved to touch her sides, her throat, her shoulders. He seemed everywhere at once, never in the next place she’d expect, seemingly bent on purposefully keeping her unbalanced. She eventually dropped back on the bed with a huff, rolling her shoulders and settling her bound hands above her head. “Okay, okay, you smug bastard,” she said, opening her eyes and scowling at him. “Let’s do it your way.” Shadan knew something betrayed her indifferent tone by the wolfish grin he threw at her. Once again, she mentally thanked her dark skin for helping her not blush obviously like an overexcited teenager.

Bull leaned down over her, pressing his mouth to hers and kissing her with a deliberate slowness that sent a warm shiver down her spine. She was responsive, he mused, but still anxious just enough to need to reestablish control, even if she didn’t realize that was what she was doing. _‘Going to need to slow down.’_ He slowly dragged his hands up her sides, pushing her shirt up until it was bunched around her belted wrists. His fingers slid back down her arms, tracing tightened muscle and a few newer scars, the contrast between his warm calloused hands and the silken scarf entwined in his fingers left a trail of goosebumps in their wake, making her squirm. Bull continued kissing her until she was gasping for a breath, releasing her just enough to carefully place the cloth over her eyes and tie it behind her head.

Shadan panted, getting her breath back as Bull studied the tension in her arms and neck, still unconsciously rebelling against the bonds even as she willfully submitted to each one. “I can stop whenever you want,” he reminded her, dropping his head back down to nip at her neck.

Her chin bumped against his forehead when she shook her head, “No, I’m fine.”

Bull lifted a brow, a questioning sound at the back of his throat as he pulled back. He smiled when she frowned, the line between her brows deepening as he delayed.

“Oh for-” she growled, exhaling. “Don’t stop.”

“All right,” he smiled, carefully dragging his blunt nails around the bases of her horns. Shadan tilted her head back, breathing out a low, wrecked sound and he smiled, trailing his open mouth over the now vulnerable length of her throat.

He paved a deliberate trail downward, pressing the warmth of his mouth and the scrape of his stubbled jaw down her chest and stomach. His hands tugged off her breastband and kneaded the yielding flesh, thumbs rubbing in a counterpoint over her nipples until she was arching up towards him. He lingered, but not for long, his hands following his mouth down to rest at her waist. 

Bull held her hips in his hands for a moment and she could only fathom at his expression before he pulled her trousers and smallclothes down her legs, goosebumps rising up when the cool air slid over her skin. His hands shifted from her hips to the outside of her thighs and she heard him move. Curiosity piqued even through her arousal she was about to say his name, ask him what he was doing, when he mouthed the inside of her thigh. Her legs were draped over what she could only assume were his shoulders. That image in her mind’s eye, him kneeling by the side of the bed, and the idea of what he was planning made her pulse jump and he somehow sensed that if his deep chuckle meant anything.

Bull slowly trailed his mouth down her inner thigh, fingers rubbing soothing patterns into her hips and outer curves. His stubble scratching at the very inside of her thighs made her legs jerk, knee bumping against a horn and she chuckled an apology, only to be held firm again in his hands. His breath was warm and tickled enough to make her squirm ineffectually under his hands, but his mouth was scalding by comparison. Bull passed his tongue, warm, firm and wet, from her entrance to over her clit, paying special attention there and back at an intent but leisurely pace. It did not take long until Shadan was gasping, her legs flexing restlessly in his grip, heels digging into his back. After a few moments Bull roughly shifted her about, one arm holding her hips down, the other hand grabbing just above her knee, stilling her leg. Pressing his teeth to the inside of her thigh, not quite biting, but it made her jerk all the same. “Hold still,” Bull growled against her skin.

Shadan groaned in reply, breathing heavily, but when it was apparent that he was not continuing until she followed direction, she relaxed her legs, breathing his name out on an exhale.

She didn’t see his softer smile. Bull knew she would benefit from this even as his own blood was surging, his base instincts howling at his determined patience. He nuzzled the inside of her leg, breathing in the warm skin, reminding himself that he was just an instrument here. A tool. The fact that he would enjoy it was irrelevant to the purpose of what he was doing. After refocusing, Bull dipped his head, soothing the mark of his teeth with a drag of his tongue that continued down to the juncture of her thighs and between her slick folds. Shadan keened, arching towards him as much as his braced arm would allow as he continued his path up and back, each pass breaching further and further into her. She didn’t notice his hand leaving her knee until a finger slid in alongside his tongue. She moaned softly, shifting minutely in Bull's grip, her heels moving to his spine, holding him as much as he seemed to allow. Bull pulled back just enough to grin and dragged his tongue over her clit, and pressed a second finger into her.

Shadan arched up, groaning breathily before it gave way to exasperation. Bull's fingers delved deeply, long strokes pressing in tandem with his tongue and her skin was buzzing with tension, flushed with heat. Shadan gave a frustrated moan, panting as she pressed her cheek to the bed, “Bull, you’re killing me. Just get _on_ with it.”

Before she could tell what was happening, her horn was in a vice grip, pressing her into the mattress. Bull held her pinned down for a moment before brushing his mouth over her ear. “You’re not calling the shots right now, _Boss_ ,” Bull reminded her in a dangerously low rumble, making her breath catch in her throat. “I am.”

Shadan immediately thought of his watchword, if only to test him as he growled promises into her ear, to see if he truly would stop. This affair was so different from their last, back then she would have snarked back at him or demanded something else. This was different, like a dance, a game of sorts, and she did trust that he’d at least play by his own rules. But it was more than that. She had to admit that he had been right, after a lifetime of protecting herself and keeping her horned head down, it felt oddly good to have someone else in control. Handing the helm off to another was… it was freeing. He then curled his fingers forward, as if knowing her attention had trailed away from him for just that moment, and Shadan groaned helplessly under him. 

Bull smiled to himself when she finally let go of that last reserved bit of tension, arching towards him fully. Her breath hitched again when he replaced his fingers with the blunt head of his cock, not pausing before sinking forward in one long, torturously slow slide. Shadan moaned headily, for all his preparation it was still a feat to take all of him at once. She could feel the stretch, that barely there burn, and she welcomed it. After all everything else was burning, from her core to the delicate veins beneath her skin, what was one more flame?

Bull rolled his hips back. Pressing his teeth to the pulse point under her jaw he forced a needy noise from Shadan’s throat that made him give an answering groan and push forward again. Bull dragged his sharp teeth down her neck, earning another breathy keen as he continued his agonizingly slow pace.

Her skin was on fire, but so chilled by the air of the dark room, to where she wasn’t sure if she was shivering more from that or his touch. Bound, blinded and pinned at her horns and hips she was completely at his mercy. Bull shifted her where he needed, pressing his breath and teeth to her skin as if he was trying to leave a brand and Shadan was effectively helpless to stop him. The sense of utter vulnerability was so alien, and yet, somehow she felt completely safe in his hands. 

Shadan felt his free hand leave her thigh and she jerked when a now slickened thumb circled purposefully around her clit. It was quickly becoming too much. Her heartbeat was drumming in her ears, the feeling of him around and inside her too acute without her eyes to distract from what was happening. Shadan came apart suddenly with a strangled moan, her toes curling hard enough that her legs nearly cramped up and the world around her quickly devolved into little more than white noise.

She was distantly aware of Bull still being hard when he pulled from her, releasing his grip on her horn and she would have been surprised by the unhappy whine she made at his loss if she’d had the presence of mind to notice it. 

After a few moments, as the haze began to part, Shadan tugged sluggishly against her bonds. The bed dipped under what she assumed was Bull’s knee as he hushed her and she dropped her arms, feeling boneless, everything still tingling from the aftershocks. She could feel the ambient heat from his body as he leaned over her, unfastening the buckle from her wrists and carefully unwinding the belt, pushing her bunched up shirt away. He turned her hands over in his, tracing her wrists with his fingertips and gently massaging what little sore skin there was until he was satisfied. Bull then gently rubbed down her arms, pulling her up to a sitting position beside him when he reached her shoulders, easing out the dull ache from being held in that one position for so long. Shadan leaned forward, resting her forehead against his chest with an exhale, smiling faintly at his chuckle.

“You okay?” he asked, fingers playing up and down the back of her neck before untying the knot of her blindfold.

“Mmhmm,” she murmured contentedly, rolling her shoulders up into his palms. When she finally opened her eyes, looking down Bull's torso and seeing his cock still firm against his thigh, she looked up at him with a raised brow. “You seem less alright.”

Bull shrugged, “I can take ca-” he stopped when Shadan moved, straddling his thigh and leaning into him. The heat and slickness between her legs pressing to his skin made Bull’s eye darken and a rumble rise unbidden from his throat.

“You didn’t have an issue finishing last time,” she purred, warm and relaxed, looping her arms loosely around his neck before kissing him.

Bull smirked against her lips and rested his hands on her waist. Pulling back, he shrugged, “My mistake.” He rubbed her lower back and hips, making Shadan close her eyes for a moment. “Qunari don’t mix well with _other_ races, but I’d mix just fine with a Vashoth.”

Shadan opened her eyes, “Bull,” she started with a condescending quirk to her smile. “I’m a big girl. I have the no-baby thing handled.” She dropped her arms, running her palms down his shoulders and chest, adding offhandedly, “If I was really worried about it, I would’ve had you chewing leaves before this.”

Bull made a thoughtful sound in his throat, watching her explore his skin, tracing scars, testing the firmness of his sides and trailing down to compare it to the hard fat layer over his thickly muscled abdomen. Shadan was a solidly built woman and given her own musculature he knew she appreciated his functional strength as much as anything else about him. Speaking of which-

Bull grunted when her hand slipped down around his cock, his fingers twitching against her hips as she gave the base an experimental squeeze before stroking upward.

She chuckled at the response, leaning in to nip his ear before whispering, “Too much or not enough?”

He smirked at her words but knew she felt his cock twitch in her palm. He tried to deny how his pulse skipped when she caught his gaze with her warm eyes, but his eye still rolled back when she twisted her wrist under his head before sliding back down. A small part of him nearly thought of stopping her, this wasn’t what he’d planned. He had been completely honest when he said that this arrangement was for her benefit. His intention was to help give the Inquisitor an outlet for stress relief, some place she could just be taken care of, not where she had to worry about returning favors. Bull’s inner monologue petered out when Shadan’s grip and pace increased, her palm sliding easily over hard, heated flesh, her free hand rubbing the bases of his horns, pulling low, wrecked noises from the man.

Shadan pulled his head down to press her forehead against his when he came with a harsh growl. Hips jerking into her hand, his fingers dug into her skin hard enough to bruise. Panting, Bull nuzzled into her without thinking, reining his breaths back to exhale through his nose before looking at her. She was smiling. A soft, genuine expression with just enough of a playful quirk to have him smile back. Something shifted in the air between them as they sat together and after a moment Shadan twitched, blinking, her brow creasing as if suddenly uncertain. She quickly shook it off, but not so fast that Bull didn’t catch it, and gave him a quick peck on the lips before sliding off his lap.

Bull hesitated, rethinking his words as he stood up, “Are you okay?”

Shadan nodded, grabbing a cloth from the basin by the wall and cleaning her hands, “Better than okay.” At his obvious disbelief she rolled her eyes, “Really.”

He frowned slightly, pulling Shadan in a step when she came forward. Bull studied her for a moment, knowing she was now carefully guarding her expression under a calm smile, before giving up and kissing her. She still leaned into him, gripping his biceps and for a moment he forgot her flash of doubt and whatever it could have meant for her. He'd figure it out later.

Bull pulled back, looking her in the eyes, “I’m here if you need me,” and pressed his forehead to hers before stepping away.

Shadan nodded and tossed the cloth into the half-empty basin. She almost turned to ask why he was leaving and then she reminded herself, this is a mutually beneficial arrangement, not an affair. A fact supported by the business-like way Bull was redressing himself. “I’ll see you around Boss”, he winked and left down the stairs. 

“See you later, Bull” she replied automatically, like they had just been talking in the tavern.

Shadan shook her head when he passed out of sight, determined to clear it from her hormonally fueled confusion. Not knowing that Bull did the exact same thing as he exited the door, scowling at himself as he trudged down the stairs of the keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Precious babes trying to deny the emotional bonding hormones brought on by physical intimacy. Biology will NOT BE DENIED!!! *shakes a textbook at them* I’m trying to have even the porny bits have a kind of plot-ish purpose so yay post-coital awkwardness because they’re like “this was supposed to just be casual buuuuuut I think I might maybe actually _like you_ like you? A bit?”
> 
> The Bull’s paunch give me life!!!! He’s FUNCTIONALLY muscular, sucker could benchpress one of those competitive bodybuilders no problem >:D
> 
> I’m getting to Demands of the Qun soon, cuz that’s gonna be fun and then it’ll go from there. Again I’m posting as I can, no more than once or twice a month due to my load of schoolwork and studying.
> 
> Sort of apologies for the contraceptives talk, again I’m a veterinary student, I do science, I can’t not include that shit when I’m writing. Also, both Bull and Shadan are adults and regardless of his promiscuity Bull doesn’t strike me as being irresponsible sooooooo… yeah.
> 
> To me it's neat. There are a couple of plants that can be used as natural male contraceptives that work by dramatically reducing the viable sperm count. It'll wear off after a while and go back to normal once they stop taking it. For chicks, most things seem to either just straight up prevent implantation or just act as sort-of morning after abortifacients. But, y'know, either works XD
> 
> SCIENCE!


	4. Wild Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all.  
> I apologize for the extended delay. Things got crazy with classes and i just did not have the time or energy to write at all.
> 
> Also, yes this is an E-rated fic but i'll just tell y'all now that there's not gonna be any smut for the next few chapters. I know, it's terrible, but im getting into Demands of the Qun and it just wouldnt make sense in context. You'll see. I have plaaaaaans :3
> 
> **[Final Revision 12/5/2017]**

Shadan exhaled, frustrated, dropping her arm. “Okay, what am I doing wrong now?”

“It is not what you are or are not doing.” Her Trainer shook her head a little, seemingly to straighten her thoughts. “No, yes it is. The issue is you are trying much too hard. You cannot simply force yourself upon the Veil between this world and the Fade. It is not some beast to be forced into submission. It requires coaxing.”

Shadan snorted, “The rifts usually don’t seem too keen on gentle coaxing, Trainer.” She flexed her fingers, the scarred mark in her palm flickering more brightly before she willed it back down to its usual dim glow.

The older mage made a tutting sound and backhanded the Vashoth’s shoulder, earning a smirk that she ignored. “There is a distinct difference between closing rips in the Veil and what we are doing here.” She extended her palm forward, “Follow.”

"I don't consciously do that. The rifts-" Shadan exhaled irritably, looking at her gloved palm. "Honestly I'm not sure if _I’m_ the one doing it or if I’m just blindly pointing this Anchor where it wants to be."

Her Trainer made a thoughtful sound, "We doubt that, but we understand you. Your strengths are with elemental magic. You use the power of the Fade to manipulate the forces of the world around you. Bending your will into something tangible. They are powered by the Fade, as is all magic, but in your mind it is still rooted in _this_ plane of existence. Rift magic is foreign to you in more than just concept,” she nodded in understanding before holding up a hand, “However, you knew this wouldn't be easy, yet you wanted to learn."

"I did- I do”, Shadan sighed. “I need to understand these rifts better, their energy, what they can do. I can feel the damned things from miles away, but even with the Anchor I can’t get a clear direction of where one is.” She still remembered the rift in the Hinterlands that she and her party nearly fell on top of before realizing it was there.

“And we will teach you how,” Her Trainer said. “Now, again, follow.”

Shadan sighed heavily, copying the other mage’s stance and outstretched palm, the Anchor tingling under the surface of her skin.

“Exhale,” Her Trainer instructed, waiting a moment, “And feel.” Shadan let out a slow breath, her Trainer nodding approval at the gradual loosening in the Vashoth’s shoulders. “You know the energies that fill the world. We know them. Have felt them most of our lives. They tug towards us, towards our minds and wills to be formed and given life. That is what you know of being a mage.” Her Trainer glanced up, seeing Shadan still focusing forward, and continued. “We will make you more than that. The Veil is all around us, a barrier, and the rifts are snags in the fabric of that barrier. What happens when you pull a snag?”

Shadan glanced out of the corner of her eye, “You... unravel the fabric?” she answered, unsure of the odd woman’s point.

“Yes! The fabric unravels, it weakens. It allows more of the Fade to enter.” She saw the slight tightening of the Inquisitor’s jaw, “Yes. You know this, but do you _know_? Do you understand?”

Shadan grumbled, “Yes, I understand. Everyone knows that magic comes from the Fade. Demons too, I think,” she added dryly.

Her Trainer smacked Shadan’s arm again for the flippant comment, but sighed as if disappointed. “It is more than that.” She shook her head a little, “A lesson for another time, Inquisitor. For now, just feel. Feel for the snags in the Veil, search for what you feel when you close the rifts. The scars that are left behind. These snags and scars are how you can grip to the Veil. Once it is in your grasp that energy can be used. It is subtle so you too must be subtle.”

“Subtlety isn’t exactly my strong suit.”

Her Trainer let off a disbelieving huff, "And yet again, you chose Your Trainer instead of the Knight-Enchanter or the Mortalitasi. We would not have agreed to teach you if you were simply a blunt instrument, Inquisitor. You are perfectly capable of nuance. You would not have garnered your allies and connections if you did not, so do not lie to yourself. Now," she huffed, "you will focus.”

Shadan exhaled slowly, frustration dissipating as she hid her chuckle at the other mage's oddly complementary reprimand. She felt the Anchor seep over her palm and up into her fingertips. The energy of it eagerly questing forward, the green glow brightening noticeably from beneath her fingerless leather glove. Scowling, Shadan clenched her hand into a fist, forcing the Anchor back before extending her own senses. This corner of the courtyard was relatively quiet, off to the side and away from traffic, buffered from the distant sounds of soldiers running drills and the hammering of stone as repairs continued on the keep. She blocked that out, closing her eyes and letting the sounds pass through her, centering her focus on the ever-present quiver of energies in the air. The goal, of course, wasn’t to create a rift in Skyhold’s courtyard, but to simply tap into the energy of the Veil. Shadan didn’t have a clear idea of what that entailed, but Her Trainer had said she would “know it when she felt it”.

She exhaled slowly, feeling something brush across her wrist. It was nothing more than a whisper of energy, a commonly felt remnant from Skyhold's largely unknown history. They were not quite enough to be called ghosts, they were more ripples of centuries-old emotions that continued to drift through the keep’s even older walls. Shadan let the ripple pass, gradually clearing her mind in a way she hadn’t done since first learning to focus her magic as a child. Fire and lightning came so second-nature to her now, but as Her Trainer had said, Rift magic was subtle and she only had half of an idea of what she was even feeling for. The rifts in the field were always so chaotic, needing to be forced closed and all the while warding off the waves of demons clawing their way into the living world. She had always acted more on instinct than actual conscious thought. But she could recall the maelstrom, and if she could apply words, there was an incorporeal sense of panic that bled from the rifts, as if the Veil itself was suffering from being torn apart.

She stopped suddenly and the Anchor sent a quiver up the bones of her hand, an affirmation, when she noticed it. It was the sense of something that did not belong, it wasn’t a part of the world, but at the same time it enveloped it. Separating the waking world from the alien landscape of the Fade. Shadan smiled very faintly, willing the weak point towards her. A memory surfaced in her mind’s eye, wading in the shallows of a small lake when she was a child. And a delicate leaf floating on the surface of the still water. She had carefully pulled the water towards her, little palms slipping over the surface of the lake, not too forcefully or too fast lest the ripples and waves sink the leaf. Shadan focused on the memory of that little leaf and her own careful little hands. Gentle, easy tugs gradually loosened the imperceptible weakness in the Veil, Shadan felt the tremors of power, mere trickles, but nothing prepared her for the abrupt snap of atmospheric compression when it released. An angry bolt of fluorescent green light shot forward, drawn to her palm like a moth to a flame. Biting off a sharp curse, her meditative state broken, she quickly reeled the unfocused magic in before it went wild. Sweeping her arm around, she caught and channeled the energy down to her feet and, with a stomp of her boot, dispersed it into the dirt. The earth cracked in a small circle out from the epicenter of her heel, the broken ground flashing green for a moment before fading. Leaving nothing, but a small crater and the lingering scent of ozone.

Shadan waited, ready to act, but when a few moments passed peacefully she exhaled heavily and looked at Her Trainer. “Was that supposed to happen?”

The older mage was tapping her chin pensively, seemingly unaffected by the near miss, “You control how it will manifest, Inquisitor.”

“I don’t think that was me,” she scowled, clenching her left hand.

“You cannot give your Anchor all of the credit, Inquisitor. It is a focus. A tool. Nothing more than that.” Her Trainer gestured to the cracked earth at Shadan’s feet, “You are the one in control.”

“Right,” she glanced down at the jagged impact marker, “Sure.” Shadan shook the buzzing from her fingers, the Veil magic had felt like cold electricity when it had channeled through her, leaving her nerves tingling and her mind unsettled. “I think that’s enough for now, I don’t need to risk accidentally blowing out a wall.”

Her Trainer nodded, “As you say. Think on what you have experienced and learned. We will be here when you wish to continue.”

Shadan gave a short bow before leaving. Walking across the yard she flexed the fingers of her left hand, resolving to practice more _outside_ Skyhold’s walls. She berated herself for her recklessness. If she had been a moment slower leashing that bolt there was no telling what could have happened, but a fair chance it was nothing good.

The crack of wood pulled Shadan from her thoughts and she went around the tavern to investigate. Rounding the corner she saw Bull attempting to teach Krem a shield bash, but as she walking closer she could see the Tevene’s timing was off by just a hair.

Bull exhaled roughly in frustration when he knocked his lieutenant back again, “Come _on_ Krem, I’m working my ass off to get you to see that move.”

“You still have plenty of ass left, Chief," Krem snarked back, doggedly readjusting his arm. He hesitated when Shadan approached, “Your Worship,” he nodded a greeting.

“Morning.” Shadan crossed her arms, consciously tucking her tingling hand in against her side. “Having trouble?”

“Depends on who you ask,” Krem muttered, side-eyeing the large Qunari.

Bull scowled at his lieutenant and turned towards Shadan, “Glad you came by, I got a letter from my contacts in the Ben-Hassrath.” At Shadan’s frown he raised a hand, “Don’t worry I already cleared it with Red.”

“Good”, she lifted a brow, “And you didn’t come to tell me afterwards because-?”

“I needed to hit something first.” Bull shrugged as if that was answer enough, but she knew he wasn’t so simple. He was making half an attempt to delay telling her for some reason and that couldn’t be good.

Krem groused, rolling his shoulder, “They have training dummies for that Chief.”

“The dummy might actually be able to defend itself again the shield bash,” Bull deadpanned.

Shadan rolled her eyes. _Boys._ “Well, what’s in the letter?” she asked, not worrying about Krem overhearing. If Bull didn’t want him to know he would have already sent the other man away.

“The Ben-Hassrath have been reading my reports. They don’t like Corypheus or his Venatori. And they _really_ don’t like red lyrium.”

“Good that we can at least agree on something.” Even without Varric’s warning at the Temple, she had felt the sharp, malevolent energy pulsing from that red crystallized mana. It was, simply put- Wrong. Unnatural. Just another reason on a long list detailing why Corypheus needed to be stopped.

Bull nodded, “They’re ready to work with us. Well, with _you_ , Boss.”

She paused a moment, giving the Qunari an odd look, “…You’re serious.” Bull nodded with a one-armed shrug. Shadan frowned, studying Bull and considering the idea. “That could be a powerful alliance,” she said finally. _With a lot of hidden strings attached,_ she added to herself.

Bull seemed a little encouraged by that, “My people have never made a full-blown alliance with a foreign power before. This would be a big step.”

 _Towards what?_ she wondered, but said nothing as Bull continued.

He lifted his shield again, looking at Krem who raised his as well. “They found a massive red lyrium shipment down on the coast.”

Krem smirked eagerly, “They want us to hit it together. Talked about sending in one of their dreadnoughts. Always wanted to see one of those warships in action.”

Bull knocked Krem back with another crack of colliding wood. He let out an exasperated breath, shaking his head, “Go get some water.”

Krem looked mildly relieved that he was done being pummeled and gave the Inquisitor a nod before dropping his shield and leaving.

Shadan smiled reassuringly at Krem, stepping forward to pick the shield up, fingering the metal edge in thought.

Bull sighed, “They’re worried about tipping off the smugglers, so no army. My Chargers, you, maybe some backup.”

“Not expecting much opposition then?” She slipped the shield onto her arm, testing the grip.

“No more than we can handle”, he shrugged. “Ben-Hassrath want this shipment taken out, but we don’t have enough available agents to do it ourselves.”

Shadan let slide the unsettling thought of the unknown number of Qunari agents seeded throughout Thedas, “So asking for the Inquisition’s help is more a matter of convenience?”

“Not exactly,” he shook his head. “If Corypheus isn’t stopped, it’s going to affect everyone. The Qunari know the Inquisition is the only one really working towards stopping him, but they can’t just throw their lot in with you without seeing for themselves what you’re capable of.”

She lifted a brow, “Your word isn’t good enough?”

Bull smirked, “Not for this big of a step.”

“What do the Qunari get out of this?”

“Honestly? Working with the Inquisition would allow us to help without people here freaking out and attacking us.”

“The Qunari haven't exactly instilled an altruistic public image,” she remarked, raising the shield.

He shrugged, “It is how it is.” Eyeing her shield, he chuckled, “You’re sure?”

“You’re not the only one who needs to hit something,” she smirked, her left hand still prickling with the aftereffects of practice.

He grinned with his brows furrowed. A moment later he rushed forward and they connected with a loud thwack. He didn’t try to throw her immediately and she dug her heels in when he pressed forward. The idiot was still grinning, playing with her because she _knew_ he could push harder than he was. “What would this alliance get us?” she threw her weight forward at an angle, knocking Bull’s shield aside.

Bull smirked for a moment, rolling his shoulder before growing serious again, “Intelligence, naval power, Qunari soldiers pointed directly at Venatori leaving Tevinter- It could do a lot of good.” He readied his shield again, “When they say alliance, they mean it. Qunari don’t do things half-assed.”

“If that’s true, stop pulling your punches and actually hit me,” she growled with a grin, setting her stance.

He laughed and this time, she managed to hold her ground for a few seconds before he knocked her back. She chuckled, rolling her shoulder, she wasn’t even close to the image of a physically fragile mage, but Bull easily outweighed her by several stone. Still, it was fun trying and a welcome distraction for the moment. She lowered the shield, fiddling with the strap, thinking back on topic. _This could really help the Inquisition, the connections, firepower, troops. If they’re telling the truth this could help a lot of people. But that’s a big If._

“What’s wrong?” he asked when she’d suddenly gone quiet.

 _Where to start?_ she thought, but said, “You really think that the Qunari would agree to an alliance with _me_?”

“It wouldn’t have come up if it wasn’t a serious offer.” He paused, tilting his head a little, though the width of his horns exaggerated the motion. “You asking because you’re a mage or because you’re Vashoth?”

She gave him a flat look, “Obviously both.”

Bull lowered his shield, letting the strap hang low on his forearm. “Boss. Titles are everything to Qunari. They’re the closest thing we get to names. You’re the Inquisitor and that’s going to be above _everything_ else.” When she was obviously not wholly convinced he walked forward. Putting a hand on the top edge of her shield he spoke softer, leaning in just a little and looking at her seriously. “I wouldn’t have suggested this if I thought it would put you in danger.”

Shadan relaxed a little, feeling a flush of warmth spread through her chest and she resisted the impulse to butt his horns in view of the soldiers doing drills nearby. Even after all the time they'd spent together a faint voice in the back of her mind railed, stubbornly reminding her that he was a spy and she shouldn't trust him so much outside the bedroom. Or even IN the bedroom. But she ignored it for the moment- The fervent honesty in his tone, true or not, still made her smile, but she twisted it into a smirk. “Or this could be your scheme to hand the Inquisition’s heretical Saarebas leader over to your bosses in Par Vollen.”

Bull laughed, grinning dangerously, leaning in another inch, “That actually sounds pretty close to something we’d do.”

Shadan quirked a brow, “Oh? Is gaining trust through bedding the enemy a _common_ Ben-Hassrath tactic?” She saw a hint of his sharp canines as he smiled.

“Maybe,” he said, tone intentionally low.

Shadan chuckled, ignoring the now familiar flush of heat that tone stirred up, and pushed her shield into his hands. “How about you?” 

“Me?”

“You haven’t seen other Qunari in a while, right? I’m guessing that you’ll be glad to be back in contact with your own people?”

“Yeah…” Bull turned to put the shields back on the rack, “I’ve actually got kind of used to them being _over there_.”

Shadan lifted a brow, “I thought-” she titled her head in question, “You don’t want them to come here?”

Bull guessed her thought, “Boss, this _isn’t_ the first step to an invasion. Trust me, if that was the idea there’d be less talking and _way_ more explosions involved. This is purely about fighting Corypheus.”

“Ah huh.” She studied his expression and he still didn’t look happy with the idea, “You don’t want the Qunari to spread,” she stated at length.

Bull sighed, “If that does happen, I just don’t think I’ll see it. The Qun answers a lot of questions. It’s a good life for a lot of people, but it’d be a big change and a lot of people here wouldn’t do well in that life.”

“I think we can agree on that.” She thought for a few moments, exhaling slowly, “Okay, I’m in.”

He looked up, expression surprised for exactly half a second before he nodded. “Great. I’ll send a message to my contact and let Red know.” At the pensive look in her eyes he questioned, “You’re sure?”

“It’s just a few Venatori,” she shrugged, “We’ve handled plenty of them before. How bad could it be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried not to copy the scene verbatim but there was some dialogue that couldnt really be said another way.
> 
> Yes there was a kind of point to the 'playing-with-rift-magic', i swear and the fun REALLY starts in the next chapter.
> 
> WHOO!


	5. Things Could Have Gone Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sooooooo this chapter is a leedle longer than the last ones… by like almost twice… it’s close to twice as long o.0 Um, also I’m a bit self-conscious about this one cuz im really not practiced in writing fights and there’s a fighty-fight. ….What does it say about me that im more self-conscious about how I write combat compared to how I write smut?
> 
> So! Now that I’ve done my little disclaimer. I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> [Final Revision 12/5/2017]

They reached the outpost in the late evening, their party greeted by the scouts stationed there and everyone was relieved to finally have a proper break from riding. Bull dropped down from his big dapple gray mare. She was the only horse Dennet was comfortable enough that Bull wouldn’t simply break in half if he rode too hard. “See? Knew you’d be fine,” he patted the mare’s thick neck and she snorted, shaking her head, jingling her reins and bit. He looked around, his Chargers, Cassandra and Blackwall all settling into the camp, their mounts getting handed off to Inquisition soldiers who’d hold the horses until they got back from their mission. Where was-?

Bull looked back where they’d came and saw Shadan, still astride her red hart, talking with the requisition officer. He let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he had been holding. She looked better. He wasn’t sure when he first noticed it, but as they finally got over the range of hills bordering the coast he was sure something had been bothering the Inquisitor. She’d been too quiet, holding her reins a touch too tightly, to the point that her already foul-tempered hart looked like he was about to start skewering people. Something Bull was certain it was capable of even with those rounded antler tips. He understood that this mission was a little risky, they all were, but if Shadan ever had issues with something she never had any qualms about voicing them. That only led him to think that it was something else.

The officer left and Shadan slipped down from her saddle, reaching up and rubbing her mount’s head as it begrudgingly took her apology. Leading the hart by the chin strap of his bridle, she walked into camp and started addressing the party. Backed by the regal antlered beast, she was a sight even in the dying light. Tall and resolute, firelight glinting off dented silverite armor and the sharpened caps on her curled horns. Even though she was undoubtedly as tired as the rest of them, it didn't show.

Bull watched, listening from the edge of the camp, leaning on his mare’s shoulder as she took the chance to graze on the grasses salted by sea air. Picking Cassandra and Blackwall had been a wise choice. Regardless of what he had told her, he knew his contact would be twitchy enough around the Vashoth mage, much less an unapologetic elven apostate or a Vint magister’s son. Vivienne would have been well behaved, but she was still a mage. Varric opted straight out of dealing with Qunari again after his dealings with them in Kirkwall, Cole couldn’t have been trusted to keep his mind reading under control, and Sera… Sera would have been akin to bringing a fractious cat to a wolf den. No, bringing the two other steady warriors was the right call. 

Shadan wrapped up her plan for the next day, they’d start hiking to the meeting place in the morning, and told everyone to get some rest. Bull grabbed his reins and clicked his tongue at the mare, “You heard her, come on.” The horse lifted her head and followed easily, bumping the velvet texture of her nose against his shoulder. Bull patted her neck, leading her into the temporary pen with the others. He glanced over at the Inquisitor as he uncinched his saddle, seeing Shadan duck into her own tent, not sure if he had imagined the tightness in her expression before she was out of sight a moment later.

—-

Rain was a common occurrence, obviously to be expected in a place known as the Storm Coast, but after listening to it for however many hours Bull was wishing that wasn’t the case. The air inside the canvas of his tent was humid, but still chilly and smelled faintly of sea salt. He closed his eye, rubbing his knuckles into the corner and thought of nights like this in Seheron. Quiet and wet with unknown outcomes for the new day. Dreadnought runs were never cut and dry, but Gatt had assured him repeatedly that there wasn’t going to be much in the way of enemy forces on the ground. At least nothing that they couldn’t handle. So, he _knew_ the chances of this going bad were fairly slim, especially with the Qunari team to buff up their own little group come morning. But-

“Bah,” he muttered, stubbornly tamping down his doubt as he sat up, _‘I’ve done this hundreds of times, what am I so worried about?’_ He shook his head, knowing he wasn’t going to get any sleep just yet. The rain had slowed to a light trickle, so he rolled out of his tent, immediately thankful for the clearer air. He lifted a hand to the night watch, the soldier was huddled under a waterproofed cloak and gave a half-hearted wave before looking back out into the dark woods.

The sky was clearing but the waxing moons did little to illuminate the night. Bull started to walk without any real plan, listening to the patter of rain in the trees around the camp, the horses (and one hart) either sleeping or milling about in their pen, faint sounds of the others sleeping in their tents. Walking past one tent he caught something different, a muffled sound of distress. If he had been any further away, he would have missed it entirely. _‘This is-’_

He tapped a knuckle on the flap of the tent, “Boss?” He waited a beat, “You okay?” He waited a moment, and after first checking that no one was in sight, he ducked inside. The Inquisitor’s tent was cramped, at least for someone his size, but it was wide enough that he didn’t need to worry about catching his horns so long as he just stayed low. The interior was also lit by a faint green glow.

Shadan jerked in her sleep, curled in on herself under the blanket and, in the green light emanating from inside her tight fist, Bull could see how her jaw was clenched in a grimace, brow deeply furrowed and cheeks wet with tears.

"Boss?" he questioned carefully, kneeling beside her bedroll and putting a hand on her trembling shoulder. He spoke softly, trying not to wake up or draw alarm from anyone nearby, "Adaar, you need to wake up." She muttered in her sleep, expression pained, her left arm tucked tightly against her chest, the green light bleeding from between her fingers pulsed with her rapid heartbeat. "It's just a dream, come on," he continued in that same soft tone, glancing at her fist as he tracked her expression. She sounded helpless and beaten, that simply didn’t mesh with the woman he’d come to know. Hell, even when things got tough she didn't despair, she got mad and powered through the obstacle. Sometimes that involved _blowing up_ said obstacle, but seeing her strangle out another sob and curl inward more tightly, every part of her shaking… He jostled her shoulder a bit more firmly, "Boss-"

She awoke with a startled gasp, swinging her free arm and he caught her as she clumsily shot upright, legs tangled in her blanket. He tried to control her as she scrambled against his chest, still keeping his voice low. “Vashedan, Adaar! What’s wrong? It’s me! You're-" he stopped when he saw her eyes. They were wide and panicked, but utterly blind. She was awake, technically, but not aware of her surroundings, much less him. “Boss, you're okay,” he breathed, finally realizing what was happening. Sitting back from his kneeling position he pulled her into his lap, pinning her against his chest to keep her from bolting or hurting herself. “You’re safe.” He held her more firmly as she shook and struggled, her breathing ragged and tight. Bull continued his assurances softly, steadily…

It took a few long minutes, but Shadan gradually relaxed, sagging down against him, shoulders still trembling a little as if trying to shake off a chill. Giving a low groan she buried her face in her palm, the other arm still clenched against her chest.

“You with me?”

She rubbed her forehead, "I think so," she murmured drunkenly.

The moment he felt her try to pull away he held her just a touch tighter. "Easy."

“Bull, I'm fine," she grumbled halfheartedly, voice having a rough breathless edge to it. He could hear her taking consciously even breaths to marshal her rapid heart rate.

"Bullshit," he grunted, thumb rubbing gently over her arm in contrast to his tone. And he was mildly surprised at how easily she relented, not arguing further, instead giving a low sigh and slumping down against him. He gave her a moment before asking, “I’ve seen this kind of thing before. Why haven’t you told anyone?"

She looked up, tucked sideways to his chest she was seemingly unaware how the tip of her naked horn scraped against his chest with the movement. Not that it hurt nearly enough for him to care. "Seen what?" she frowned, still groggy and unfocused.

“Battle fatigue. Been in the war business for a while, Boss, and seen plenty of what it can do to people,” he shrugged. “Some shut down, others try to shut it out, so it just rears up when your guard’s down,” he explained, thinking of her wide, unseeing eyes. He freed up one hand to brush the errant flop of her mohawk back out of her eye. “You've had these nightmares before?”

"Everyone gets nightmares." She looked down, but he didn't miss her wince and the flinch of her arm. "I'm okay.” Her tone was a bit more composed, “Really."

"Yeah, forgive me if I don't believe you,” he chided and she sighed heavily.

"I can handle it," she grumbled more firmly, sounding more like her usual self. She crossed her arms and he could tell that she was still guarding her left arm, though he noted that the green light from her fist was more muted than it had been a few minutes ago.

Bull knew that stubborn tone, but he also knew that denying a problem wasn't going to solve it. At the same time he wasn't going to force her. They had a casual, intimate relationship, sure, but that didn’t give him carte blanche to make decisions for her or push her when she didn’t want to be pushed. Plus, she was technically his boss… sort of.

"All right," he relaxed his hold while still keeping his arms around her, but he noted that she didn't try to pull away this time. “…Do you want me to leave?"

She didn't respond for several long seconds, but she eventually sighed and pressed her forehead to the center of his chest again. "No," she admitted with a self-conscious mutter. He chuckled lightly and she shifted her legs out from under her tangled blanket. He accommodated her as she curled more comfortably into his lap. Her arm was still tight, fist still clenched, her muscles twitching slightly at erratic intervals.

"Boss?"

She turned her face up enough to look at him, expression tightening a little to one side in a wince.

It was true, he was fairly ignorant concerning the technical workings of magic, the concept itself still made him uneasy, but a blind man could put these two and two together. "How long has the Anchor been hurting you?” He could practically _see_ her start to form a denial. He frowned, putting a knuckle under her chin to keep her eyes on him, "Shadan."

She frowned slightly, it wasn’t lost on her that he’d used her name that time. “It’s,” she stopped, exhaling slowly through her grimace, “Some days are better than others.” She shrugged a shoulder, “It's usually just a presence under my skin. It doesn't _hurt_ , but I can always feel it.” She stopped for a second, looking up at the roof of the tent as the rain started up again, closing her eyes slowly and leaning her head back on his shoulder, listening to the water thump against the canvas. “I think the Veil is weaker here. The coast still hasn't been fully surveyed and there’s probably a handful of rifts in this area that we don’t know about. It’s just reacting to tha-" she sucked a short breath in through her teeth and tucked her arm against her chest. "Agh dammit," she grumbled. Bull saw the green glow emanating from between her clenched fingers, pulsing like a live thing and fading gradually as she breathed through it. “I’ll be okay.”

Bull was certain that was more a personal affirmation than an effort to keep him from worrying. All the same, he couldn’t help the chuckle that rumbled out from his chest, “You always are. One way or another.” That earned him a weak laugh. His hand on her shoulder coasted down to where her hand was curled against her chest. She tensed when his larger palm covered her fist, his thumb rubbing slowly over her knuckles. He didn’t say anything, just keeping up the slow contact. She didn’t unclench her fingers, but her grip gradually relaxed and the green light slowly dimmed with it.

Shadan was resting loosely against him by the time the light was reduced to its typical faint glow, leaving the pair in near darkness, surrounded by the sound of rain pattering on the canvas.

Bull reflected for a moment. He shouldn’t have been surprised. This sole survivor to the decimation at the Conclave, who’d faced off with a dragon and an ancient darkspawn magister _alone_ and lived to make it back to her people. Then traveling up a mountain through a snowstorm and nearly freezing. When you coupled all of that with the crazy shit she’d apparently seen in that possible future timeline? It was a wonder she could function as well as she did. But to have her reduced to this shivering mass, curled up in his lap like a wounded child… It wasn't right. Now, Bull wasn’t a stranger to suffering, his own or that of others, but seeing his Inquisitor like this… 

Wait- when had he started thinking of her as “ _his_ ”?

He blinked as if finally realizing something, _’What am I doing?’_ He didn't alter how he was cradling the woman against him, but he frowned deeply. He was meeting his people tomorrow and he was in the Inquisitor’s tent, soothing her back to sleep? This wasn't a part of his role to her as an outlet. He wasn't a Tamassran or a healer. He was a spy for the Qunari and muscle for the Inquisition. Simply put, this wasn't his job. Shadan wasn’t even Qunari... so, did that make this less or more all right? Bull scowled to himself. He didn't have those answers, but he doubted his superiors would approve of this if they knew. Hell, they might finally ship him back to Par Vollen for reconditioning if they found out. Bull frowned regretfully, he should have left her, should have just let her sleep and manage it on her own as she had undoubtedly done in the past. What he'd just done was too intimate. Too personal.

But when she curled against him he felt a wash of warmth spread out from his chest. With it came an inexplicable need to protect her. He wanted to help her and _that_ confused him. He'd had friends before and he’d counseled people through trauma, but that'd never sparked this undercurrent of- If he was honest with himself… he didn’t quite know _what_ it was.

Conflicted, he waited until her breathing had evened out before gently settling her back down on her bedroll. He tried not to linger as she drifted back to sleep.

“Bull?”

He hesitated with his hand on the tent flap and looked over. She gave him a half-smile, eyes lidded, “You didn’t have to, but thanks.”

He shrugged a shoulder, keeping his circling thoughts off his face, “Get some sleep, Boss.”

She tucked her face against her pillow and was out almost immediately. He sighed, muttering a curse to himself as he climbed out. Once outside he shook his head, the breeze and the cold rain sending a chill up his spine and he embraced it as he doggedly tromped back to his own tent.

—

‘Before midday’ was never a very exact measurement of time, but you did what you could when out in the field. They’d been waiting for nearly an hour in an overgrown gully roughly a league from the shore. The Chargers and Shadan’s team milled about in the clearing, keeping an eye out for trouble, but mostly just waiting. 

“Inquisitor?” Shadan looked back from her higher vantage point on a rise between two trees as Cassandra stepped up to her. “You seem on edge.”

Shadan smiled at the Seeker’s direct attitude and blew out a breath, knowing she couldn’t _reliably_ lie to Cassandra. She recalled one time Varric described her as having a 'well-honed ability to sense bullshit’. Glancing over the other woman’s head, confident they were out of earshot of the others, particularly of the keen eared Skinner and Dalish, she said, “I'm grew up running away from Qunari, now I’m _waiting_ for them.”

Cassandra looked incredulous, “You never seemed to have any anxiety around Iron Bull.”

Shadan rolled her eyes, “We both know Bull isn’t a typical Qunari and it’s not anxiety, it’s… caution.”

“Do you think this is a trap?”

“I thought that was the point?”

“Don’t be obtuse,” Cassandra scowled. “The Qunari have you alone with limited support, if-”

“Cassandra.” Shadan lifted a finger, “One, if you’d thought this before, you should have spoken up.” She lifted a second finger, “Two, I’ve already looked into that angle and, yes I’m taking a risk, but the Qunari support could really bolster us. Their navy alone could at least slow the Venatori spreading down from Tevinter. That would cut off a sizable chunk of Corypheus' incoming forces.”

“And if you were having second thoughts about our new possible allies, _you_ should have voiced them sooner,” the Seeker answered, lifting an imperious brow.

Shadan mirrored the expression mockingly until Cassandra scowled at her. The Vashoth relented with a small chuckle, “Truth be told, I’m more on edge about the rifts. I can feel a good number here, but I’m still not clear on where they are.”

“Do you think it will affect our mission?” She frowned a little, noting the Vashoth’s tight grip on her staff, “Are you well?”

After Bull’s assistance the night before she had to admit that she was a little more open about letting her friends in. Plus, Cassandra was as stalwart as they came, if she couldn’t be counted on then who else could she confide in? Shadan sighed, “I’m handling it, but the Anchor- It doesn’t like it when I’m near this many tears.”

Cassandra frowned, eyes concerned, “Are you in pain? Why didn’t you-?”

“Cass I’m fine,” Shadan smiled. “Believe me, I can handle it. Just,” she paused for a beat to glance back, thinking she’d heard something, “be on guard. Depending on where this Venatori ship is going to be, I can't give a heads-up beforehand if we’re walking towards a rift. At least not yet.”

“Gatt!” The two women turned at Bull’s voice and followed it back to the clearing.

The newcomer was an elf, flanked by a trio of large, stony faced, horned Qunari. “It’s good to see you again, Hissrad.”

“Glad to see they finally let you off Seheron,” Bull grinned, folding his arms across his barrel of a chest.

The elf glanced at Shadan when she, flanked by the severe looking Cassandra, came into full view. It wasn’t lost on her that his eyes lingered for an extra moment on the staff gripped in her hand. “They finally figured I calmed down enough for real work again.”

Bull turned with a grin and Shadan couldn’t help but smile back a little, he seemed genuinely pleased to see his old colleague. “Boss, this is Gatt, we worked together in Seheron.” He was outwardly at ease, but she knew that he had noticed the slight uptick in tension.

“Inquisitor, a pleasure,” Gatt said, bowing his head though his sharp eyes never left hers. “Hissrad’s reports speak rather highly of you and your Inquisition.” 

“We do our best,” she nodded in greeting, not entirely sure if there was a hidden meaning beneath his tone, so she settled on taking his words at face value. She lifted a brow, “Wait, Iron Bull’s name is Hissrad?”

Gatt shook his head, “Not a name, it’s his title.”

Bull nodded, “I got it since I was assigned to secret work. It means keeper of illusions.” He appeared pleased with this fact, until-

“Liar,” Gatt deadpanned. “It means liar.”

Bull scowled, “Or that. Thanks.”

Shadan chuckled at seeing Bull deflated so easily, “Well, I’m glad that you’re at least leaving a good impression of me in your secret spy reports.”

“He does,” Gatt quirked a brow at Bull. “Though they aren’t really secret, are they?”

Bull shrugged, looking rueful, “Look, Gatt-”

“Relax, Hissrad,” Gatt chuckled. “Unlike our superiors, I know how it works out here. We’re in this together, the Imperium is bad enough with this new cult. But if this new type of lyrium does what you say it does-”

Bull gave an emphatic nod, “They’d be able to turn their slaves into an army of lyrium monsters, we’d lose Seheron and then nothing would stop them from marching an army down here.”

“Or across the ocean to Qunadar,” Gatt added. “The Ben-Hassrath agree. This needs to be stopped.”

“So, Gatt,” Shadan gestured, “What’s your plan?” 

Blackwall grunted, “I don’t like him.” He spoke low enough that only Cassandra and Krem were close enough to hear him.

Cassandra glanced at Krem before asking, “What do you mean?”

“That bastard is on edge. He’s watching the Inquisitor like she’s about to explode and he’s only hiding it _slightly_ better than his men.”

Krem shrugged, “If you’ve noticed, believe me, so has the Chief.”

“And the Inquisitor is well aware of the Qunari stigma against mages,” Cassandra noted. “I trust that they’ll keep personal opinions from interfering.”

“They’d better, or this is going to be the shortest alliance in history,” Blackwall scowled.

—

Shadan jogged an extra step or so to fall in beside Bull, tapping his broad shoulder with the end of her staff, “You lied to me.”

Bull glanced over at her arched look. “You’re going to need to be a little more specific.”

“You said that my being a mage wasn’t going to be an issue and yet,” she gestured up towards Gatt at the head of their group. “Your friend keeps looking at me as if I’m going to turn into an abomination on the spot.” 

Bull gave her a perfectly serviceable abashed smile, he knew by her tone that she wasn’t truly mad at him, just wanting to make her point clear. “It won’t be an issue, Gatt’ll follow his orders.”

“Ah huh.”

“Up this way,” Gatt called. From that point they followed a poorly used dirt trail up the hill. To their right was a sheer drop to the rocky beach that only grew higher the longer they walked and on their left was a dense copse of trees. They didn’t see anyone and that made the hair on the back of Shadan’s neck stand on end. Gatt’s information had assured them of limited resistance, not no resistance at all.

Something wasn’t right.

As if answering her thoughts, a gout of flame shot out from beyond the treeline. With a shout Blackwall threw himself against one of Gatt’s men, saving him from being immolated.

Gatt barked out a command in Qunlat and his men readied their shields. Shadan sensed a tremor in the air as energy was drawn toward the trees. "Up the hill! Now!” The group ran and a moment later fire rained down right where they had just been standing. Shadan took up the rear, boots sliding on the wet grass as she skidded to a stop, swinging her staff back in a horizontal arc. Shards of ice the size of her forearm materialized from the moisture in the air, flying out toward the squad of Venatori just as they broke through the trees. She didn't linger to see who was hit but she did hear at least one shout followed by a heavy thud.

She got to the rise of the hill and saw the group already battling a second squad. Swearing under her breath she turned on her heel and lifted her staff, drawing in from the sky and slammed the bladed tip of her staff into the ground. Lighting shot down from the clouds and snaked out over the wet ground, the mages coming up the hill scattered to avoid it, slinging fire her way. As she ran out of range she saw that the gladiator, weighed down by his shield, hadn’t moved fast enough and was laying on the ground, either dead or at least stunned. Running up the hill she gritted her teeth, _’Where did these bastards come from? There wasn’t supposed to be this many!’_

“Boss!” Shadan turned to the side just as a sword swung down at her. She dropped down, using her own momentum to skid around on the slick ground, barely deflecting the blade with the haft of her staff. Straightening up and completing the staff’s turn she slashed at the Venatori’s armored face with the bladed end. The sparks of striking metal made the zealot flinch. Shadan kicked the side of his unprotected knee, hearing the joint snap over his cry of pain and the clamor behind her. As he crumpled to the ground she struck him down with fire and kept running.

Reaching the top of the hill, she quickly took stock of the situation as she knocked back the ranged fighters with another volley of ice. Their group was cornered on two sides by Venatori and on the other two by the sheer drop at the top of the hill. One glance at the grim set of everyone's face confirmed it. This was bad. They were holding their own even with smaller numbers, but they couldn’t keep it up forever.

Everyone was engaged in melee combat while doing their best to avoid the magic and arrows being slung from further away. One of Gatt’s men dropped with an arrow in his throat and another grazed off the armor on Shadan’s shoulder. The pang in her shoulder was answered with a sharp jolt through her forearm from the Anchor. _‘That’s it’_ , she willed it forward. The Anchor flared eagerly in her hand and she grimaced at the intensely cold electricity that surged up through her arm. The flash of ghostly green light gave the nearest Venatori pause and Shadan whistled sharply.

Cassandra, Blackwall and Bull all immediately looked her way. Bull, grappling with a large axe-wielding brute, headbutted the Vint and knocked him away. “Everyone back!” They all turned and got out of range, even the Qunari, though they didn’t fully understand what was happening. The moment there was enough distance between them, Shadan threw her hand forward and a nimbus of green light crackled over the advancing Venatori. Bending her fingertips towards her palm the rift burst open, striking anyone within its radius with thundering bolts of Veil energy. The men inside shrieked for a moment before they were vaporized and a few of the men just outside the attack’s range scrambled backwards in startled panic. Pulling her hand into a fist the rift closed with a snap and her head pounded with the effort and she staggered, almost falling to one knee. Her people charged forward once it was clear, followed closely behind by Gatt and his remaining men.

“No better time to get in some practice,” she growled through the dizziness, throwing up a barrier against the mages just getting to the top of the slope. The force of their attacks pushed her back several feet, the ambient heat from their fire singeing her skin even under her armor, but in the space between their charges she threw her left hand forward again. Drawing on the loose energies from the weakened veil surrounding the coast, Shadan created another rift. This one was smaller, focused. The mages in its range balked, slipping on the ground as they were pulled back to the center-point under the crackling fracture in the Veil. The ones far enough away, or somehow able to drag themselves outside of the rift’s influence, rushed at her. Cassandra and one of Gatt’s Qunari flanked around at that moment to intercept them.

Given time to focus on the trapped Venatori, she actually felt it as the rift began to weaken. The Anchor thrummed in her hand, the tremor traveling down to her feet and she didn’t honestly know if the next idea was truly hers or a product of the Anchor’s vague pseudo-sentience. Balling up a fist and planting a foot firmly on the ground she waited an extra second, the energy from the Veil coming to her much more willingly this time. The moment the rift winked out of existence, she wrenched her fist skyward in an uppercut. The earth beneath the tangled Venatori shuddered and cracked, green light bleeding out from between the broken cracks of soil. A second later a large rough, earthen fist smashed into them from below, throwing them several feet into the air and over the cliff edge of the hill.

Even zealous cultists had limits, upon seeing that, a handful of the remaining Venatori turned tail and ran off back down the coast.

Cassandra yanked her sword out from between an unlucky set of ribs. “Inquisitor?” she inquired, walking over with the Qunari a few steps behind her.

Shadan shook her head, clearing her vision. She leaned heavily on her staff, not fully trusting her balance just yet and looked back as the others finished up the stragglers, “I’m fine.” She rolled her eyes at the distrustful expression on the face of the Qunari behind Cassandra, “Oh, would you relax?” Her head was starting to pound now, her patience for mage fearing wearing very thin.

He scowled but said nothing, instead giving a curt nod to the Seeker before returning to his kin.

After that near hiccup in their plan, everything went smooth for approximately two more seconds, until-

“Oh crap.”

They all watched as Venatori appeared on the beach, making for the opposite hill.

Shadan swore under her breath, her head was still splitting from the rift spells she had used, but she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to help her people. “There’s too many, they’re going to get overrun.” She made a step, but Cassandra had already grabbed her by the arm. Shadan glared at the other woman, bewildered.

“And that is suicide,” she said, tone hard but resigned. “We’d never reach them in time.”

“Dammit, fine.” She stepped up to him, “Bull they still have time to retreat.” He nodded, making a move for the twisted horn at his side.

“They need to hold that hill,” Gatt said firmly.

Bull shot a glare at him, “They do that, they’re dead.”

Gatt moved in front of the group, backed by the still burning signal fire. “And if they don’t, the Venatori retake it and the dreadnought is dead.” He jerked a nod at Shadan, “You’d be throwing away this alliance.” Shadan leveled a deep frown, but Gatt was already focusing back up at Bull, “And you’d be declaring yourself Tal-Vashoth.” He said the word with the same obvious distaste as Bull did. Gatt threw his hands down in exasperation, obviously not understanding why he even needed to argue this. “With all you’ve given the Inquisition, half the Ben-Hassrath think you’ve betrayed us already.” He then pointed an accusing finger at the much larger Qunari, “I stood UP for you Hissrad.”

“They’re my men,” Bull said lowly, his tone carrying the undercurrent of a growl.

“I know,” Gatt answered regretfully. “But you need to do what’s right, for this alliance and for the Qun.”

Shadan bristled at Gatt words, not wanting to think about Bull’s hesitance, every glance down the beach was seconds ticking down on the window the Chargers still had to retreat. Logically she knew that Qunari lived by the greater-good mentality, but Bull would never sacrifice his own men. She paused, _Would he?_ He turned to her and she blinked at him, confused, but realization quickly dawned. “I can’t make this decision, Bull, those are your men.”

Bull’s voice was flat, hollow in a way, “You paid for them, they knew the risks.”

She glared at him, confusion gone, her tone angry, “They agreed to fight, not to be sacrificially thrown to the wolves.”

Bull almost flinched, but said nothing.

She didn’t notice her fist starting to glow faintly in response to her riled mood, “My people are _not_ expendable, Bull, no matter the cost. But, the Chargers aren’t my men. They’re yours.”

He didn’t have much time to make his choice, but he made it.

“Hissrad!”

The blast of the horn quickly drowned out Gatt’s voice, echoing across the beach. In the distance, the Chargers gathered their wounded and beat a retreat. Bull lowered the horn, exhaling steadily as if preparing for a blow, facing it stonily when it came.

“What- I can’t believe you!” Gatt started to pace, disbelief and anger evident in every line of his narrow body. “Do you know how hard I fought for you? All these years Hissrad, and you throw away all that you are- For what? For this? For _them_?”

Shadan stepped between the two men, fighting her desire to beat the small man in Bull’s defense. “It’s done, Gatt,” Shadan said evenly, knowing Cassandra and Blackwall were tensing behind her because Gatt’s remaining men were doing the same.

The elven Viddathari glared at her, “You just threw away an alliance with the Qunari, _Inquisitor_. Ferelden has been trying to do this for-”

“The Inquisition isn’t Ferelden and no alliance is worth the lives of its people.”

Gatt glared up at her. “You basra-”

“It’s _done_ Gatt,” Shadan cut him off with a growl. “This alliance is severed. As a representative of the Qunari Empire, _any_ aggressive actions done by you or your men against mine will be seen as provocation.” She watched him carefully, her blood still up, her head pounding, but she did her best to at least outwardly leash back her temper. “The Inquisition has plenty of allies, Gatt. I don’t think your superiors gave you license to start a war.”

Gatt glared, his men tense, until he sighed heavily. “It seems he didn’t embellish his reports of you, Saarebas.” He bowed his head stiffly, “Inquisitor.” He signaled to his men and turned to leave, glancing back at Bull and shaking his head, “Goodbye Hissrad.”

“His _name_ is The Iron Bull.” Shadan shot back, not catching the thankful twitch at the corner of Bull’s mouth.

Gatt looked back, “I suppose it is.” Shadan watched him and his men leave until they were out of sight down the slope.

“No way they’ll get out of range,” Bull murmured, looking out over the water, “Won’t be long now.”

“Bull-”

The dreadnought exploded in a concussive blossom of fire, the suddenness of it making Shadan, Blackwall and Cassandra jerk in surprise, shielding their eyes. Shadan shook her head, vision going spotty as her headache came back in full force, but her ears did gradually stop ringing. 

Bull watched the dreadnought burn, expression flat and unreadable, “Let’s get back to my boys.”

Blackwall stepped out of his way, looking back at Shadan with concern as she watched Bull leave. Shadan turned back to the sea, watching the stern of the great ship fall beneath the waves and tried not to think of the men trapped beneath its decks. Waving a hand at the signal fire, she drew the life from the flames leaving nothing but a cold gray pyre. “Come on," she sighed, "We’ve got a long way back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One, fights are not my forte. Two, conflicted Bull is conflicted. Three, Gatt is an asshole and i don’t like him. Yeah rub it in that he’s Tal-Vashoth you prick, you’re supposed to be his friend. FRIENDS DONT DO THAT!! 
> 
> Again tried not to bore you guys with verbatim recollections of the in-game scenes. Also, yes, I elaborated on Gatt here. I just honestly can’t believe him being quite so hunky-dory with a Vashoth Inquisitor. Much less a mage Vashoth, i mean HONESTLY?! Nothing?
> 
> But hells yeah Mark of the Rift and the Pull of the Abyss/Stonefist combo. I freaking love rift mageing :D And yes I know Pull of the Abyss is one of the LAST rift powers you can get and Shadan is just learning, but to hell with it, i do what i want lol
> 
> And I will fight anyone who says the Inquisitor doesn’t have at least some kind of PTSD spectrum something! I mean seriously, how could they not?
> 
> So, y’all got some fluff and some drama coupled with my sad attempts at combat writing lol XD


	6. Harsh Words and Heavier Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Posting on my b-day! Yay I've managed to not die for 26 years! Go me!!
> 
> So!! Im a terribly broken record, but I'll say it again.  
> If you are coming back, thank you all for your patience. My very first priority are my classes and I try my best to not only get these chapters done, but to make my best attempt at giving you something of at least passable quality to read.
> 
> Love you guys. You're the BEST!!
> 
> **[Final Revision 12/5/2017]**

The gates were unusually quiet, the surrounding courtyard cleared and only the most distant of sounds suggested any activity within the keep. Gatt was steadily making his way across the bridge to Skyhold’s main gate, leaving his companions at the other end of the bridge either as a gesture of faith or back-up in the event of a problem. He had come for a diplomatic meeting, a formal message delivery, to officially sever the talks between the Qunari and the Inquisition. Shadan would have personally been perfectly fine with their parting words at the Storm Coast, but Qunadar had their own protocols and it wasn’t wise to risk an incident when the ground between them was already weakened.

Shadan stood just inside the arch of the gate, the portcullis was raised but she knew a soldier stood ready to drop the winch at a moment’s notice if need be. Bull was behind her shoulder, silent and as immovable as stone. He was Tal-Vashoth now and that fact seemed to have hit him like a physical blow. He hadn’t spoken much on their return to Skyhold, evading questions and putting on airs so obvious that Shadan was growing increasingly suspicious of what was going on in the man’s head. Not that she had been in much of a condition to push him, it had taken three days for her rift magic migraine to go away.

Pushing that line of thought aside for the moment she tried not to scowl as Gatt neared the gates. She was doing her best to be the calm leader she needed to be, but she couldn’t help the anger boiling in her chest.

Every mission was a risk, but the more she thought and reflected on the dreadnought, the more it set her teeth on edge. They had ultimately achieved their goal to destroy the shipment of red lyrium, but the mission should not have failed as it had. She had been more than doubly assured of the scouting reports and the expected size of opposition. She knew it was going to be a challenge, but the Inquisition had very nearly lost the majority of the men it had brought on that mission and the Qunari had lost an entire dreadnought, including its crew. Her gut told her that something had been missing, some information had been held back.

Gatt didn’t appear nervous, but as he walked closer Shadan didn’t miss his eyes flicking up the walls. It was impossible for him to miss the archers stationed there and a vicious little voice in her head begged for him to try something. He stopped a few paces outside the gate and bowed stiffly at the waist, “Inquisitor.”

Shadan gave a curt nod, barely managing to keep the growl out of her voice, “Say your piece, Gatt.”

He narrowed his eyes at her tone, squaring his shoulders, “It is my duty to inform you that there will be no alliance between our peoples. Nor will you be receiving anymore Ben-Hassrath reports from your _Tal-Vashoth_ ally,” he gritted his teeth around the word, glaring at Bull with more than simple anger, Shadan knew he felt betrayed by his friend.

Bull’s tone was even and Shadan resisted the urge to look back at him, keeping her gaze trained on the elven Viddathari. "You under orders to kill me, Gatt?”

Gatt’s expression tightened, “No.” He frowned, seeming to search Bull for something he couldn’t find and sighed, “The Ben-Hassrath have already lost one good man. They’d rather not lose two.”

Bull gave a noncommittal grunt, but said nothing.

Shadan nearly felt sorry for the elf, her frustration and anger at the situation warring with her sympathy for a man who was losing a long-time friend. “I’m sorry it had to be this way, Gatt. Your people shouldn’t have died like that.”

He peered at her suspiciously for a moment before frowning, “No. They shouldn’t have.”

 _‘And sympathy gone,’_ the little inner voice snapped as Gatt nodded and turned about. Shadan watched him leave, though after a few moments Bull was already tromping off back into the keep. She frowned at his silent back, signaling the guard to watch the gate until the Qunari were completely out of sight, and jogged after him. “Hey, wait.”

Bull’s shoulders twitched in a flinch before he turned back, “Yeah Boss?”

“Are you alright? I know this has to be-”

He gave her a lopsided grin, but there wasn’t any heart behind it, “Don’t worry about me. I just need some time to think.”

Shadan frowned slightly as he didn’t even wait for her answer before walking away again. She sighed, letting him go. “If you need an ear, you know where to find me,” she said, earning a wave over his shoulder. ' _He’ll be okay_ ,' she thought with a shake of her head. ' _Give him a few days before you start to worry_ ,' she counseled herself as she walked towards the gardens. She went to check on the herbs and roots needed for a few tonics Dagna wanted to try out, but all she could think of was Bull’s uncharacteristic silence during the trip home and the vaguely haunted look in his eye.

_‘Just a few days.’_

—

Krem nearly jerked out of his seat when Shadan leaned down next to him. “Where is Bull hiding?” she intoned, sounding irritated.

He blinked at her, “Uh, I think he’s upstairs. Something wrong?”

Shadan pinched the bridge of her nose, looking haggard, “No, not really, but he’s been purposefully avoiding me all week and I’m done letting him get away with it.” She straightened up behind Krem’s spot at the bar, looking over at the stairs. “Don't tell me you haven't noticed him acting strange since we got back.”

Krem shrugged, but Shadan noted the concerned crease to his brow, “Not really, he’s just been kind of quiet.”

Shadan quirked a brow at him, leaning against the bar. “And Bull being quiet doesn’t strike you as odd?”

Krem rocked his mug back and forth on the bartop, mulling over his words, “You’re not the only one he’s been avoiding.”

Shadan frowned. Krem was the Charger’s second-in-command, but more than that, he was Bull’s friend. Something was wrong if he was shutting his own men out, especially considering that he had become Tal-Vashoth for their sakes… Maybe that was why- No. She didn’t want to consider that thought. Shadan squeezed Krem's shoulder, “I’ll get him. Knock his head around if I have to.”

Krem smirked, giving a half-hearted chuckle. “Good luck.”

Walking up the stairs she mused over her plan of attack, leashing her own irritation so she could at least attempt to approach him calmly. Bull had claimed that the Qun kept their kin from succumbing to their base, violent natures, redirecting it to something constructive. In her eyes he had some of the best control she’d ever seen. She sincerely doubted that Tamassrans half a world away could take credit for that, but if he truly believed that his grounding was gone- She shook her head at the thought.

He wasn’t on the second floor. Making her way up the next flight of stairs, her mind wandered to the night before the dreadnought, to his support and gentle counsel, to the feeling of safety and contentment she’d felt in his arms. She scowled at herself, ‘Now isn't the time for that.’ She reached the landing and immediately spotted him in the back with his feet propped up on a table.

Bull didn’t move but the thought certainly crossed his mind before he sighed, dropping his feet to the floor. “Boss.”

“Bull,” she greeted, mimicking his monotone. He frowned down at the wood grain of the table. _‘So, you’re going to be like that?’_ she thought, _’Alright.’_ Shadan pulled a chair over to his table and sat down, “You know, if you honestly wanted to hide, there are plenty of places less obvious than the tavern.”

“I’m not hiding,” he grunted, not looking at her.

“Well, could have fooled me,” she said dryly. “You’ve barely spoken to anyone since Gatt came by with his message.” Now Shadan may not have been a Ben-Hassrath, with their skills in reading body language, but she certainly saw Bull's expression tighten at the mention of his former comrade. She gave him a few moments to reply but he stayed silent. “You’re going to have to talk to us eventually, Bull.”

His eye was dark when he looked up at her, his mouth a hard line and his scars looking deeper in the poor light. “There isn’t anything to talk about.”

Shadan felt her throat tighten up with frustration and she frowned at him, “I’m not an idiot. Something’s wrong, so stop being stubborn.”

“It’s nothing,” Bull growled, pushing away from the table and stepping out the door to the stone walkway outside.

Shadan bit off a curse, nearly knocking her chair over in her rush to get after him. “Bul-!” the name was cut abruptly short when the door slammed shut in her face. She felt her proverbial hackles rise at that, “Of all the _childish_ -,” she muttered. Shadan knocked the door open with her shoulder, the light of the early afternoon making her squint for a moment as she followed him. “Bull!” She gave a muttering growl when he continued moving away, his pace unhurried but determinedly focused forward. “Dammit, Bull! Stop!” She quickened her pace to a brisk run, closing the distance in a handful of strides to get in front of and block him. She glared at him and he looked down at her with his jaw clenched.

“What?” he asked, visibly irritated.

She had to resist the urge to knock his stubborn ass back a step, instead she looked him squarely in the eye. “Bull, I’m going to give you a choice. You are either going to tell me what’s wrong, _right now_ , or I’m going to beat it out of you.”

Bull narrowed his eye at the threat, “I’m fine.”

“Bull _shit_ ,” she grunted, shoving him back with the side of her forearm when he made a step to walk past her. “You’ve been in a rut since the dreadnought and you haven’t even been trying to hide it. I know being Tal-Vashoth is a shock but-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled through clenched teeth.

“Then **talk** to me!” she shot back with dismay and he took a step forward to loom over her. The gesture would have been much more effective on someone who _wasn’t_ nearly tall enough to be at his eye-level. Plus, Shadan didn’t have the instinct to consider yielding to someone bigger than her, simply because _she_ had always been the bigger one. In basic terms, Bull trying to physically intimidate her got him absolutely nowhere.

Bull growled in irritation a moment later, “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to get your head out of your ass,” she snapped, earning a glare. “I get that this is hard for you, but you are accomplishing nothing by avoiding it.” She tried to school her bearing into something less hostile, searching his face, “What I _want_ is for you to be straight with me…” she exhaled, softening her tone as her anxiety coiled in her breast, “Bull, _please_. I'm worried about you.”

His jaw twitched, a swift conflict of emotions flicking over his face. He knew she wasn’t lying, he could see that as clear as day. Her eyes were earnest, betraying all of her anxiety and frustration- He didn’t have time for this. “There’s nothing for me to say,” he said after a long moment. “We took out the lyrium and then the mission went to hell. We were both there, so there's no point talking about it. Maybe if it had been planned better-”

Shadan blinked in surprise at the implication, her temper rising and she cut him off with a low growl, “Don’t. You. _Dare_.” She lifted a finger up to his face, stepping into his personal space, causing him to lean back, but he didn’t step away. “Don’t you _dare_ put this on me. That mission was your idea and you came to me on your own.” That seemed to subdue him a degree, but she kept going. “I knew in my gut that the mission was a bad idea, but I went along with you. I knew I couldn’t let my own prejudice get in the way of an alliance. I couldn’t ignore that chance to bolster the Inquisition. You said we could handle it and I followed your lead because I _trusted_ your judgement. I trusted _you_.” She folded her arms tightly across her chest, “Was that a mistake?”

Bull’s fingers twitched before he clenched them into fists, his throat working over words he refused to voice.

Her glare deepened, “Bull, we were led blind into that fight. We weren't prepared for those numbers. We captured both of those hills, but the plan only half worked.” She studied him for a moment, “Your people are the best at what they do, so do you really think they weren’t aware of that third group of Venatori?” 

Bull scowled at the implication, “There wouldn’t have been any reason to withhold that information. That's just-" He stopped to think for a moment, "They gave us what they had at the time."

“I’m sure,” she said unconvinced. “I’m also sure that it had nothing to do with the fact that you’ve been playing fast and loose with your own rules for years and they knew it. You were one of them,” she scowled, tone taking on a viciously edged sarcasm. “Why wouldn’t they have told you every sordid little detail?” 

“Because they didn’t know,” Bull said through gritted teeth.

Shadan barely kept herself from throwing her hands up in the air, “Do you _honestly_ believe that?!” A small part of her knew she should at least be attempting to stay calm, but-

“I don’t know!” He threw his clenched fists down at his sides, voice strained as he made a visible effort to keep himself from bellowing in her face. His knuckles were white, his arms shaking slightly with how tightly he was holding them. Everything in his bearing spoke of an anger only just barely kept under heel. 

Shadan blinked, her own boiling temper slowing to a simmer. She had pushed him before, but in the few months that she’d known him, she had never seen Bull lose his cool this badly. A wise person would have probably backed off and tried again when Bull _didn’t_ look like he was thinking of throwing them off a parapet. She took a steadying breath and pressed that nerve again, daring his anger to burn her. “Would you have preferred the Chargers had died instead of the dreadnought?” 

At this point it almost seemed impossible, but somehow Bull’s expression darkened further. “Stop,” he growled.

Shadan bristled aggressively at the warning in his tone. “Would you rather _I_ had called the retreat? So it would have somehow been _my_ fault that you’re Tal-Vashoth? Absolve you of the responsibility of actually making your own damn choices? Or could you have just killed them yourself?”

Bull blinked, visibly startled for a second but rebounded fast and angry, his fists clenched at his sides, “How can you-?!”

Shadan tried to shove him back when he took a step forward, refusing to give him ground, but he took it regardless, the simple fact of his heavier frame winning out. Undeterred, Shadan fixed him with a steely look when he glared at her. “Answer me! Your Qunari _knew_ the mission was a risk from the start and, no matter if they held back information, it was **far** more than they had let on. Your Ben-Hassrath specifically advised that you bring your Chargers, didn’t they?” She jabbed a finger at his chest, “They wanted to see what the Inquisition could do. What I was willing to risk if things went bad.” She threw him an unkind look, “If and when it came down to it, Gatt probably didn’t expect me to have you choose.” Bull hesitated and Shadan plowed ahead, “So, I’ll ask again. If you could do it over, would you have killed your men for people who only give a damn about you as long as you’re useful to them?”

“That isn’t how it happened,” he muttered, his voice rough.

“That’s the choice you made and they exiled you for it.”

“You don’t understand,” he said behind gritted teeth. 

“No I don’t!” she snapped, her limited reservoir of patience nearly run dry. “I’m sorry I didn’t grow up being hedged into a neat little box someone else built around me!” she made a cage with her fingers before throwing her hands down at her sides.

Bull took a slow breath, it didn’t seem to calm him, but his tone was a bit more controlled, words clipped. Somehow that fired off more alarm bells than if he had started screaming his next words at her. “The Qun gave me, and others, purpose. Direction. The Tamassrans identify what we’re good at and show us the best way to use our natural strengths. How to help everyone as a whole.” He held up a fist, pointing a finger at her, “You think the Qunari just invade without cause and the Qun is some leash for the conquered. _Your_ Inquisition wants the _same_ thing. Peace. Order.”

“No. You save the leashes for your mages," she all but snarled. "Anyone else who can’t be placed into a neat little role is either shuffled aside or stamped out.” She gestured angrily, “And the ones that _try_ to leave? The ones that just want to make their own lives? Hunted down and slaughtered like cattle.” She fixed him with an icy look, “But you know all about _that_ , don’t you?”

He glared at her, his expression angry, but ultimately unreadable. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough like grinding stones. “Are you finished?”

Shadan matched his glare, her pulse hammering in her veins, “Bull,” her voice was low and steady now, the same she had when judging upon Skyhold’s throne. “If I can’t trust you to work within the Inquisition’s interests, I can’t risk you being here. You need to figure out where you stand, otherwise it won't be in Skyhold any longer.” She waited a beat, her gaze not finding any sign in his stony expression. “Is that clear?” Neither budged and their angry eyes didn’t waver, but after an extended silence a chill wind blew between them. Shadan let out a measured breath and took a step back to straighten up, staring the man down with hard eyes. “I’m taking a team to the Fallow Mire tomorrow. Get your shit together before I’m back or I am terminating the Charger’s contract with the Inquisition.” She shouldered past him, not giving him a chance to reply and with each step taken, her breath caught tighter and tighter in her throat.

Once back inside she threw the door closed and fell back against it, heart hammering in her chest, hands cramped from being clenched so tightly. She led out a shaky breath and then another, lifting her hands to her face and found them trembling. Angry, exhausted tears blurred her vision and she scrubbed them aside. “Get ahold of yourself,” she muttered under her breath, shaking out the anxious tremors and straightening up. She took slow, gradually steadier breaths, but even when her heart finally fell back to a more normal rate, she was still on edge.

Raking a hand through her hair, crankily ruffling the ridge of her mohawk, she stopped at the railing of the stairs. Leaning forward she propped herself up on the banister, mulling over the ultimatum she had so swiftly doled out. The Bull’s Chargers were a valuable asset to the Inquisition, both skilled and highly adaptable, but it could survive without them. She knew that, but she had also grown close to the group and she didn’t want to see them go. And their leader-

Shadan ran her hands down her face, shaking her head. Bull.

Her chest clenched at the thought of him. His easy charm and uninhibited attitude. His intelligence and mind for strategy seemingly at odds with his joyously overzealous fighting methods. Then for all his size, strength and extensive capacity for violence he somehow possessed a gentle, attentive nature. When the world had been, quite literally, falling apart around her ears, Bull had gone out of his way to help her feel safe and wanted. Shadan grimaced, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palm, “I am such an idiot.” She berated herself for getting complacent, for getting too close. For letting _him_ get too close to her. She groaned, dropping her forehead to the railing, her horns hitting the wood with a dull thunk. “Of all the times for-”

Shadan pushed off the railing, shaking her head clear and started marching down the stairs. She squared her shoulders when she reached the main floor and walked outside. There was simply too much riding on the Inquisition. Too many lives were affected by her choices. She had to think of the rifts, do _something_ to help manage the civil war in Orlais and, all the while, find some way to stop Corypheus... She would hold him to her threat. She _had_ to. Her responsibilities were far more important than the conflicted matter of her heart and the now broken man it wanted so desperately to cling to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Maker, this hurt.  
> This just hurt me DX Imma need to write some fluff to recover.
> 
> But yeah, I seriously think Bioware dropped the ball with how much the Tal-Vashoth thing woulda/coulda/shoulda hit Bull. He would be mad, frustrated, terrified- The list goes on! I mean even if he has been told the truth and Tal-Vashoth are just rabid savages, then he's going to go crazy and lose his mind. That's terrible. But the worse option is if he's been LIED to and Tal-Vashoth are no different from any other people. That means he hasn't necessarily been killing bad people when he killed Tal-Vashoth in places like Seheron. It means that he likely murdered innocent people along the way. That guilt- oh my poor bby.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this. It was easy to rough out but really tough to fix up to the point that I was reasonably satisfied. Emotions are haaaaaaard XD
> 
> Love you all! I'll hopefully catch you soon!


	7. Counsel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the grave*  
> Four month hiatus.... my bad
> 
> In good news, I passed all my finals so I'm in the second semester of my program! Another six of these and then I'm off to my year of clinicals! Yay!
> 
> In other news, Trespasser came out TWO FREAKING DAYS after I flew back to school! Two days!! It isn't fair and I wont be able to play it til christmas now DX  
> Granted I did finally get a chance to play Descent and Hakkon and change Shadan out of those ugly beige pajamas XP  
> Scale-mail FTW!!
> 
> But y'all dont care about that so ONWARDS
> 
> **[Final Revision 12/5/2017]**

Shadan gave the table a petulant kick when she found her spymaster’s aviary unattended. She was still exhausted from the return trip, and though they had successfully freed the captured Inquisition soldiers, she had still needed to handle an Avaar chieftain that morning.

He had assaulted Skyhold…  
With goats…

After exiling the Avaar to Tevinter, an outcome the chieftain had seemed fairly pleased with, she had hoped that had filled the day’s quota for odd or unseen issues.

Then she had run into Bull as he was throwing a man over the east wall.

Wonders never ceased.

The ravens croaked at her from their perches as she started to pace, her scale mail shirt clinking softly as she moved. An assassination attempt. What’s worse was the bastard had _known_ it was coming, but hadn’t told anyone. Then, aside from clipped assurances that the Qunari weren’t planning an assault of some kind, she couldn’t get any more information out of him before the guards stationed nearby rushed in to see what had happened. So, she was stuck. Warring between concern for a friend, current relationship complications notwithstanding, and being furious that he had withheld information about a breach in Skyhold’s defenses. Shadan ground her teeth, barely resisting the urge to kick the table again.

“Inquisitor, please stop pacing. It’s undignified.”

Shadan jerked, turning on her heel just as Leliana reached the top step. “Sorry I-” Leliana lifted a neat eyebrow at the Vashoth’s flustered behavior and Shadan cleared her throat. “I tried to find you, but I'm guessing you’ve heard about what happened on the wall?”

Leliana nodded, “Yes. I was beginning to wonder what those two were going to do.” She gave a small smile at Shadan’s confused blink, “Of course I knew. I would not be doing my job very well if I had not, yes?” She laid a book down on her table, “There was an archer placed above the courtyard in the event that they needed to be stopped, but it seems that our Iron Bull did not require the assistance.”

“So it would seem,” Shadan sighed, shaking her head, feeling some of her anxiety bleed out. 

Leliana nodded, settling back in at her table, “In fact, I meant to let you know something earlier.” She started shifting things around looking for some item, “While you were gone, Bull gave me what information he had on his previous contacts and my scouts managed to find the majority before they had all been replaced or simply pulled back to Par Vollen.” She stopped searching and frowned at the pile as if it was purposefully vexing her. Sighing in defeat, she turned to Shadan. “I’ve fanned my people out. So now, even with the direct loss of Bull’s Ben-Hassrath reports, they’ll fill in the gaps very soon.”

Shadan felt a bit more relieved, “What would I do without you?”

“Crash and burn is most likely,” Leliana shrugged delicately, eyes teasing.

“Modest,” Shadan smirked.

“It is only arrogance if it isn’t true.”

Shadan chuckled, leaning a hip back against the railing. Her mind drifted for a moment and she closed her eyes, trying to sort her thoughts and wondering if she even wanted to voice them. Leliana was not the warmest individual at times, but she was still dependable and compassionate in her own way, Shadan knew she could be trusted but-

“Adaar?”

Shadan blinked, refocusing, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Leliana’s lips curled into an indulgent smile, “I was asking if, in light of his recent assistance and their history of the same, were you still planning to cut the Bull’s Chargers loose from the Inquisition?”

“How did-?” her surprise was quickly replaced by a deep frown, “I don’t appreciate being spied on inside my own keep, Leliana.”

She waved a hand, “It only reached my ears because it appeared as if it was going to escalate. And as for your argument I have very little in the way of specifics.” She raised a brow, “My people understand discretion, Inquisitor.”

Shadan relaxed, accepting the veiled criticism. She was well aware by now that she shouldn’t have argued with Bull in the open as she had, but what was done was done. “No, I’m not going to dismiss them.”

“I’m glad.” Calm as anything, Leliana continued, “Should I know the part of your argument that didn’t reach me?”

“It,” Shadan hesitated, rubbing the bridge of her nose, frowning as she tried to form her words. “It’s complicated.”

“Hardly,” Leliana scoffed, meeting Shadan’s unsure frown with an imperiously raised brow. She shook her head at the mage’s continued silence, leaning back against her table and folding her arms across her chest. “Very well, I will be direct then. Would you care to share what has happened between you and Iron Bull?”

Shadan narrowed her eyes, trying to read the other woman, fighting her sudden insecurity at the possibility of what her spymaster would think about her _close_ relationship with the mercenary. “I-” she cleared her throat, “What do you mean?”

Leliana gave a sly smile, preening a little at so easily catching the other woman off guard. “Oh, not that. I’ve known about that for _months_.” She laughed merrily at the Vashoth’s blanched expression. “I was coming to speak with you as he left your quarters. Advised me that you needed rest,” she teased.

Shadan groaned, looking up at the rafters. “Maker’s balls,” she grumbled.

Leliana chuckled at her embarrassment for a moment, “For someone who says they are not Andrastian, you certainly invoke the Maker often enough.”

“Force of habit, hanging around you lot as long as I have,” she sighed, leaning against the railing again.

Pleased that the touch of levity had done its intended job, Leliana asked again, “I was talking about your disagreement before you left for the mire.” She tilted her head a little, “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. It-” Shadan frowned, but only for a moment. “That- That was my fault. I was… frustrated.”

“From what I know, you weren’t the only one.”

Shadan let out an exasperated breath and dropped her crossed arms, “He was exiled from his people, **of course** he was upset. I was the idiot for pushing him. I just-” She sighed, shoulders dropping a bit, “It was selfish and I wasn’t thinking.”

“Selfish?” Leliana remained still, watching the Inquisitor as she started to pace again.

“Yes, selfish,” Shadan growled bitterly. “I was angry and scared and I lashed out for answers he wasn’t ready to give me.”

“You mean about the dreadnought,” Leliana stated, easily adopting the role of a wall for the Inquisitor to verbally throw her tangled thoughts at.

Shadan nodded, “The whole mission seemed off.”

“In what way?” she coaxed. “It is understandable that you would be suspicious of Qunari considering your background.”

“It wasn’t that- Well, a little I suppose, but,” she grumbled in frustration, gesturing with her hands, visibly trying to contain her own doubts while organizing her suspicions. “The Ben-Hassrath information has always been very good. They’re efficient and very particular about giving exact information. Their reports don’t give embellishments.”

Leliana nodded and made a go-on gesture.

“So, take all that and then think of how we faced far more Venatori than originally reported.”

“The Ben-Hassrath agents made a mistake or something slipped their notice,” Leliana suggested.

Shadan exhaled, “Maybe, but Gatt’s agents were in that region for a week before we got there, up to the very day. How could they possibly have missed that many? And this was a diplomatic mission as much as a practical one, do the Ben-Hassrath really seem like people who’d miss that?”

“So, then it was a trap,” Leliana shrugged, “And they paid for it.”

Shadan was silent for a few long moments, “No. No I think it was a test. I’m not weak,” she remarked without ego. “But I hear things that paint me as some divine portent of destruction. Laying waste to everything in my path,” she added sardonically.

Leliana allowed a small smirk, “You don’t exactly act in a way opposing that.”

Shadan scuffed the floor, “Well, yes,” she admitted reluctantly. “When I _need _to be, but with the Herald business, it seems to be just short of deifying me", she scowled uncomfortably. “I think the Qunari wanted to gauge what I could do… but I think they were testing Bull too.”__

__“Bull?” she frowned, “Why would they need to test his strength?”_ _

__Shadan shook her head, “No, his loyalty.” She scuffed a heel irritably, “It was something Gatt said. He’d defended Bull’s actions to the Ben-Hassrath. So, the Qunari were suspicious to begin with, maybe thinking he had been away from Par Vollen too long? He even told Bull that he’d be Tal-Vashoth if we called a retreat on his people, but that was before **I** made it his call.”_ _

__Leliana hummed thoughtfully, rolling a wrist as she explained the obvious point, “Because if it had been your choice, they why would Bull be held accountable for it?”_ _

__“Exactly!” she gestured into the air, running a hand through her short mohawk, irritably rubbing the back of her neck as she turned again. “It just doesn’t sit right. If I had called the retreat, then the alliance would have been called off because **I** sacrificed the dreadnought. Simple. Bull probably would have gotten reassigned since they wouldn’t want one of their agents affiliated with us after that.”_ _

__Leliana nodded, “And if you had sacrificed the Chargers?”_ _

__Shadan glared at her, clenching her jaw so hard a hint of her sharp teeth could be seen, “That was not an option.”_ _

__“If you did.” she pressed, tone calm, but at the same time demanding an answer._ _

__Shadan held her glare for a few moments before reluctantly giving way under Leliana’s steady gaze. “Then the alliance would have been assured,” she shrugged, tone now tired. “Bull would still be Qunari and the Inquisition would have a navy and another sizable ground force under it. Maybe it could have opened talks for peace, discussions to stop military invasions in the north,” she trailed off with a sigh. Leaning a shoulder against the wall she scowled at her feet, her tone bitter, “A few men in exchange for an army? That would've been the practical choice.” She shook her head, “But where would it stop? What other lives would I sacrifice? How would that make me any better than what we are fighting?”_ _

__Leliana sighed. ‘ _Idealists. Precious, but impractical. For all her fire, her heart still bleeds so easily… I almost envy her morals._ ’ Taking a step forward she offered, “Sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Sometimes there is simply no way to win and all you can do is cut your losses as best as you can.”_ _

__Shadan was silent for several seconds, speaking low and firm, “There is always another way Leliana. There has to be.”_ _

__“Did you _find_ this other way by making it Bull’s decision?” Leliana frowned, growing piqued by the Vashoth’s stubbornness._ _

__That took her aback, “I didn’t- They were his people. I couldn’t-”_ _

__“The Qunari on that ship were his people as well. You did not miraculously save anyone from death Inquisitor,” Leliana frowned, eyes hardening._ _

__Shadan blinked, expression troubled before she gradually looked down again with a sigh. “I know that.” She took a steadying breath and straightened back up, "I made the right choice, Leliana. I have to believe that I did.” She nodded, “Sometimes you just have to lead with your instincts and live with your choices.” She muttered the last statement like a mantra or an old, firmly ingrained lesson. Likely both._ _

__Leliana smiled, “An honest sentiment, even if I don’t entirely agree with the outcome. We could have done much more with their spies and soldiers compared to one band of mercenaries.”_ _

__Shadan smirked, “That’s what you and Cullen are for, making miracles with what little we have.”_ _

__Leliana chuckled, feigning a sense of imposition, “It is our lot.” She gestured to the door, “I have work to finish, go speak with Bull. You both know where you stand on your own, but in light of your liaison,” she wrapped her accent smoothly around the word, chuckling when Shadan rolled her eyes at the obvious tease. “You both need to figure out where you stand with each other now.”_ _

__“Is that an order?” Shadan asked, brow raised but reluctance hinted at in her fidgeting._ _

__“Call it a very firm suggestion,” she smiled sweetly. “One that I will enforce, oh so gently, if need be.”_ _

__“Wonderful,” Shadan said dryly. Leliana was many things, but _gentle_ was not one of them. Shadan held up her hands as she was shooed towards the door again, “I’m going. I’m going.” Opening the door, the late afternoon light and crisp mountain air breathing life into the very dour and quiet aviary, she looked back to see Leliana already back at her table. “Thank you.”_ _

__Leliana looked up and nodded, “Think nothing of it, Inquisitor.” She shooed her hand again, “Now off with you and your sentimentality.” Shadan was chuckling as she ducked out and Leliana sighed when the door closed, shaking her head. “I believe in you Adaar, but I hope your sentiment does not doom us in the end.”_ _

__\---_ _

Krem found Bull right where he had expected him to be.

In the tavern.

Sitting at the bar.

Drinking.

Evening was approaching, but the tavern was empty of all save its most _dedicated_ patrons and Bull was completely alone at the bar. As he neared Krem guessed that it may have had more to do with the man’s unfriendly posture and the near half dozen tankards in front of him. Overall Bull’s mood had improved in the last weeks, but Krem had known him long enough to see that something was still itching under the former-Qunari’s skin. What he was seeing now was not a promising sign. He dropped into a stool beside his chief, after a moment of not being acknowledged he cleared his throat. “I heard about the thing up on the wall earlier. You okay?”

__“Fine.”_ _

__Krem dug in his proverbial heels, a taciturn Bull was _also_ not a good thing, “Do you know who they were?”_ _

__Bull glanced over at him, the look unreadable for a moment before he sighed, voiced slurred ever so slightly. “Ben-Hassrath and, no, it wasn’t serious,” he answered before Krem had a chance to ask. “You don’t send two guys with blades after me and actually expect them to come out alive.”_ _

__Krem lifted a brow, “So, why do it?”_ _

__Bull rolled the edge of his mug on the bartop, “A formality. Just so it's perfectly clear that I’m Tal-Vashoth.” The distaste Bull growled out with that word was palpable._ _

__"Bastards," Krem frowned. “It’s not like _you_ blew up the ship.”_ _

__Bull grunted, falling into silence for several long moments, “Do you know what Tal-Vashoth actually are?”_ _

__Krem answered cautiously, expecting that to somehow be a trick question, “Qunari that leave the Qun, right?”_ _

__“They turn their back on it, purposefully act against it.” He was glaring at the wall now, “They’re irredeemable savages.”_ _

__“Chief come on-”_ _

__“I had to choose,” he murmured, almost to himself, “The dreadnought or my boys. Not enough time to save both.” He drained the last of his mug and set it none too gently back on the bar._ _

__Krem blinked in surprise. He had been told the mission, though a technical success, had simply gone tits up in the end. It had made sense that the dreadnought had been overtaken given the number of Venatori that had managed to swarm their hill. He hadn't questioned that. Now he was reeling from the sudden revelation and realizing how easily it could have gone the other way. “Damn Chief,” he muttered, leaning forward on the bar._ _

__“…Yeah.”_ _

__A tense, uncomfortable silence pressed between the two men and Krem eventually shook his head in disbelief. “I thought- I mean I didn’t- I thought you were Tal-Vashoth now because the Qunari were assholes and got pissed at you after the ship blew up.” He paused, making a derisive sound, “First your eye, now your-_ _

__“Stop,” Bull growled, low and emphatic._ _

__Krem blinked, the force in that one word stilling him._ _

__Bull exhaled heavily, some of the tension in his broad shoulders giving way. “I don’t regret picking you guys.” He looked to the side at Krem, tone serious, “Don’t you ever think different.” He shook his head, looking back down at the bar. “I just don’t know what to do with myself now.” He picked up his now empty tankard and scowled at it, “And I’m not nearly drunk enough for this.”_ _

__Krem chuckled a little at that, Bull was an unreserved individual, but it was rare for him to really open up at all. “You’re still a part of something, Chief. What we’re doing _here_ is something. The Inquisition- We're saving the world, what's better than that?" He folded his arms on the bartop, mulling over his thoughts. “Even without the possibility of death, where would _we_ be if you ever went back to Par Vollen?” He shoved Bull’s arm with his elbow, taking victory in the twitch at the corner of Bull’s mouth when he added, “There’s no Bull's Chargers without The Iron Bull, right?”_ _

__A calmer, companionable silence stretched between them until Bull nudged the Tevene’s shoulder back, “Thanks Krem.”_ _

__Krem nodded, “Any time, Chief.” He shifted his arm, he wasn’t touchy like Bull was, but he made the effort when he needed to. Drumming the bartop for a moment he drawled, “So, that explains one thing.”_ _

__“There’s another?” Bull asked, lifting the brow above his eyepatch at the shift in topic and mildly surprised the Tevene wasn't calling him an idiot for staying quiet for so long._ _

__“Yeah,” Krem turned in the stool to lean an arm on the bar. “What’s the deal between you and The Inquisitor? I’m not blind, you’ve been handling each other with ten-foot poles since that mission. Is she mad or something?”_ _

__Bull grumbled, pointedly not looking at him, instead studying the inside of his still empty tankard and glancing around for the barkeeper, “It’s nothing Krem, trust me. I can handle that on my own.” ‘ _Where the hell had Cabot gone?_ ’_ _

__Krem narrowed his eyes at Bull for closing off so suddenly, “Come on Chief it isn’t like you-” He stopped, somehow narrowing his eyes more suspiciously. “You didn’t…” Krem's mind raced. Sure, it happened sometimes, Bull wasn't exactly reserved in the "partners" he attracted, but he- When no response came Bull had no warning before Krem punched him in the arm, hissing, “ _Do **not** tell me you slept with the Inquisitor_!”_ _

__A few heads turn towards them and Bull threw them a lopsided grin as he casually yanked his lieutenant down into a headlock. “Say that a little louder. Please,” he muttered quietly, displeased, into his ear while Krem glared and muffled a few protests against Bull’s arm._ _

__“Um, is everything alright?”_ _

__Bull turned, dragging Krem around and unseating him in the process, to see Dalish and Grim watching them curiously. Krem muttered something vehement and unintelligible against the inside of Bull’s arm, gesturing vaguely before giving up and tried in vain to tug the thick forearm off his face._ _

__Dalish just watched quietly, delicate brows lifted in question. By this time they had attracted more than a few curious eyes. Krem hadn’t said anything loud enough for them to hear, but the sight the pair made was more than enough to draw attention._ _

__“Outside,” Bull said, standing up and dragging a struggling Krem with him out of the tavern as if he did it all the time. Dalish followed curiously and Grim trailed behind her._ _

__Behind the tavern, out of immediate earshot of anyone, Bull finally released his headlock. Krem stumbled to the side a few steps, breathing heavily and glared at Bull. “What in the Void is _wrong_ with you?” he panted._ _

__“When I figure that out, I’ll let you know,” Bull smirked, earning a very hard eye roll from the Tevene._ _

__Krem gestured in exasperation at Dalish and Grim, still panting, “Bull, slept with the damned Inquisitor.”_ _

__Grim grunted._ _

__Dalish blinked, brow creased, “Oh.” She looked up at Bull, “I trust she enjoyed it?” Krem sputtered while Bull shook his head and tried not to laugh at the sudden absurdity of his life._ _

__“As far as I know Dalish, yeah.”_ _

__“That’s good.” She canted her head to the side, looking mildly concerned, “Cremisius, you’re turning purple.”_ _

__Krem buried his face in his palms, groaning, “You don’t see something possibly wrong with this? The Herald. Our _employer_!? Especially now that he has somehow gone and pissed her off?”_ _

__“What’s wrong with the Inquisitor?” Rocky asked, making Krem jerk in surprise._ _

__“She and the Chief slept together,” Dalish supplied helpfully._ _

__Rocky squinted up at Bull before busting out a laugh, “Oh yeah, sure, like that happened.”_ _

__“That’s what Krem said,” she shrugged with Grim grunting an affirmative… supposedly._ _

__Rocky frowned, thinking it over as he glanced between Krem and Bull, both of whom looked as if they had a headache coming on before laughing again._ _

__“What’s so funny?” Stitches asked, Skinner beside him giving Rocky a look as if the dwarf had suddenly gone mad._ _

__“Oh, for Fuck’s sake, guys,” Bull exclaimed, taking in a deep breath before adding, “Yes, I was sleeping with the Inquisitor, but that's not an issue anymore.”_ _

__“Oh tha- Wait, you did what?!” Stitches blurted, which made Rocky snicker harder._ _

__Krem gestured to the healer, “Exactly! Yes!”_ _

__Skinner smirked, “I'm impressed you managed to keep that under wraps Chief, usually we would be the first to find out.”_ _

__Rocky was turning an interesting shade of beet red as he tried unsuccessfully to stifle his laughter and Krem slapped him upside the head to get him to stop. “Now that THAT has been established,” he paused, “To everyone.”_ _

__Bull groaned, shaking his head._ _

__“Are you going to tell me what happened between you two?” Krem crossed his arms._ _

__“I don’t think we necessarily need to know that.” Stitches said, looking mildly uncomfortable and glancing to the side as if searching for an escape._ _

__“I’m curious,” Skinner said, folding her arms across her chest expectantly._ _

__“You didn’t have a fight, did you?” Dalish asked, worried._ _

__Rocky took a deep breath, getting his normal color back, and snorted. “You kidding me? Doesn’t matter if she’s the bloody Herald, the Chief’d flatten her in a fight.”_ _

__Dalish rolled her eyes, “Fights can involve more than just fists, Rocky.”_ _

__Krem snapped his fingers as he remembered, “It was the argument right before she left for the Fallow Mire, isn’t it?”_ _

__Bull frowned, “How did you know about-?”_ _

__“The Inquisitor’s voice _carries_ a bit.” Krem shrugged nonchalant, “Not far, but a bit. She asked me where to find you and I was just leaving the Rest when I sort of heard…”_ _

__“How much?” Bull frowned, crossing his arms tightly across his chest._ _

__“Just that she was pissed and-”, he glanced at the other curious Chargers, “Something about you needing to get your act together or we were all getting the sack.” This had the immediate intended effect of sparking a chorus of dismay from the other Chargers. Bull glared at Krem who smirked out of the corner of his mouth._ _

__Son of a bitch. “All right. All right!” Bull barked, glaring at the Chargers, but they just matched his irritation with either judgement or stricken expressions. Bull wondered, not for the first time, if it was possible to _spoil_ a ragtag group of mercenaries._ _

__“You’re going to try to patch things up, right?” Dalish asked._ _

__"Yeah, maybe you should try staying on the Inquisitor's good side. You know, the person who pays us?" Skinner remarked dryly, Rocky nodded with a scowl and Grim grunted._ _

__Bull rubbed the corners of his eyes, well one at least, and threw Krem a glare that promised payback, not that the man seemed phased by the threat. “Okay, _yes_!” he growled, silencing any other protests. “I’ll work it out. Now-” he waved at them. The Chargers took the hint and left, leaving their leader to glower at his lieutenant. “That was a cheap move, Krem.”_ _

__He shrugged, “Any tactic that works is the right one.”_ _

__Bull rolled his eye at having his own lessons used against him._ _

__“And think of it this way,” Krem remarked, walking back to the tavern, “Even if she does kick us out, you still have us.” He touched a finger to his forehead in salute and turned the corner._ _

__It was a few moments before Bull realized he was smiling. He chuckled, shaking his head, shoulders feeling lighter for the first time in weeks. The ever-present threat of losing his mind aside, Krem was right. Whatever happened, he still had his boys._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo much taaaaaaaalking *flops over*  
> Like, no seriously, I am SO SORRY this chapter is so dialogue heavy it just *gestures helplessly* happened? *headdesk
> 
> Also, Im always paranoid when writing Bull because I feel like he's easy to accidentally write OOC but I'm rationalizing that he's more open with his guys. IDK I try to do him right though  
> I almost didn't have the bit with the Chargers cuz I thought it might clash with the angst/drama-pit I had dug myself into, but I figure it was good to remind Bull what he still HAD versus still dwelling on what he lost, y'know? ...and I adore the Chargers so anytime I get to play with them is a good day.
> 
> ALSO! It is not explicitly stated whether or not the Chargers knew that Bull had to pick between them and Krem's dialogue really sounds (to me) that he was also unaware. So, Im running with that impression. Headcanons ftw?
> 
> And this is probably a bit of a let down after such a long break but I promise these two idiots will talk in the next chapter. This was already over 10 pages long so I figured that was a good spot to stop soooooooo One more chapter to go!!
> 
> NOTE: I went through and proofread/edited the previous chapters. Added/changed a line here and there, but mostly it was just me nitpicking points where I for some inexplicable reason called Shadan a Tal-Vashoth instead of just a Vashoth (A thing that had me yelling at my screen while playing Inquisition "SHE'S NOT A GODDAMN QUNARI, STOP CALLING HER ONE!!!")


	8. A New Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two years...  
> I've been working on this chapter for two years.  
> I don't even know if anyone would still be interested in reading it after all this time, but it's finally done.
> 
> A lot can happen in two years time. I failed out of veterinary school, struggled with some mental health problems, had my own bucket of self-doubt for a long time. But little by little I always came back to writing. And this was one of those stories I just never wanted to give up on. No matter how long it took for me to finish I just kept at it. I still have ways to go towards being a better writer, but this was a great learning experience.
> 
> Took 14 friggin pages to wrap this thing up!
> 
> Sorry for the wait everyone, I hope you enjoy the ending at least a little bit <3

Shadan had spent more time than she wanted to admit pacing through the halls. Running through several mental rehearsals of what she wanted to say before she finally admitted that she was stalling. She sighed, squaring her shoulders and walked towards the gardens. After first arriving at Skyhold she thought it odd when Bull had claimed a bed in one of the dilapidated rooms overlooking the small yard, but now she was thankful for it. If she somehow botched this, she didn’t want to risk anyone overhearing. _‘I won’t make that mistake again.’_ Reaching his door she lifted a hand, hesitating a moment and knocked, “Bull?”

A few moments later the latch clicked and Bull was standing in the doorway, looking at her with a mix of caution and guarded curiosity, “Need something, Boss?”

Shadan hesitated, feeling guilt settle into the pit of her stomach. Consciously stopping herself from fidgeting, she was surprised by the even tone of her own voice. “Leliana told me she closed up the gaps your assassins slipped through. She apparently knew about them from the start and was just waiting to see what they were planning.”

Bull snorted, a smirk tugging at his mouth, “That’s reassuring.”

She chuckled, trying to relax a little, “Yeah, if you’re okay with the idea of her having eyes and arrows everywhere. Just means she’s doing her job. I mean, of course, you’d hope your-” she clenched her jaw, knowing that she was going to start rambling if she didn’t. The following silence grew tense and she glanced back down the terrace, even though she knew there wasn’t a soul within view or earshot. “Can I come in?” she asked, looking back at him. “I think we should talk.”

He took a moment to consider it, his expression trained into something benign, but he eventually stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter. Shadan closed the door, lingering there as he tossed a roll of parchment onto his desk and stood by the foot of his bed. The room surprised her. Like many parts of Skyhold, this one still needed repairs. The walls were mostly intact, but the simple furniture had seen better decades and a few breeds of lichen had taken root in the corners of the room. Still, it was warm enough, at least compared to the mountain chill outside. The multitude of candles Bull had placed around added to the waning sunlight bleeding in through the wooden slats of the ceiling. It was sparse, but neat. Everything in its place.

Realizing she was stalling again she crossed her arms over her chest. _‘Just get it over with,’_ she told herself and took a slow breath. “I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have said what I did, it wasn’t fair to you, and I _knew_ that, but I-” She clenched her jaw again, forcing herself to slow down. Bull’s expression hadn’t changed, but he was watching her carefully. She wished, not for the first time, that she didn’t feel quite so transparent around him. Even before they had become intimate he had developed a habit of anticipating her moves. He always seemed to know exactly where to be and how best to support her. On and off the field.

Resigning to the fact that he could probably read her true meaning no matter what she did, she straightened her shoulders and met his impassive gaze, measuring each statement evenly. “I’m the Inquisitor. I need to be impartial and I let my own frustration get ahold of me. I took it out on you. It wasn’t right and- I’m sorry.” She waited a beat for him to say something, but he just stood by the bed, a faint line creased between his brows. She sighed, “I’m not asking you to forgive me for how I acted. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry.” When he still stood silent she chewed her bottom lip, shoulders dropping, “I’ll go- I just wanted you to know that,” she finished lamely. Turning, hand on the latch, her mind was a whirlwind of unhappy anxiety, but content that it was done.

Bull exhaled heavily, "Wait." He rubbed the back of his neck, “You weren’t wrong Boss.”

Shadan turned back, blinking in surprise, “What?” When her mind caught up to his words she shook her head, frowning, “No, I was-”

“You weren’t wrong,” he said again, more firmly, cutting her off. “I was out of line.”

“So was I,” she pressed, once again recalling the heated things she had said about the Qun. About the way he had grown up. About him. Regardless of how she had felt, nothing she said had been fair to throw in his face like that. He nodded after a moment and Shadan relaxed a little. “Have you talked to Krem?” she ventured, “I know he was worried about you.”

Bull found himself smiling. “Yeah”, he admitted, shaking his head at the thought of his Chargers. He chuckled, sitting down on his bed, “Honestly I thought you were still going to kick us out. I didn’t prepare for an _apology_ of all things.”

Shadan smiled faintly, “I try hard to keep you on your toes.”

He chuckled, looking up at her as if gauging her reaction before he even gave her cause to do anything. “It was my idea to offer up the Chargers to the Inquisition.” He paused, "Well," and he lifted a shoulder, “Krem and the rest convinced me. Then the Ben-Hassrath approved it.”

She folded her arms across her chest, mildly confused by the abrupt change in topic, but thankful for the firmer ground. “I know why the Ben-Hassrath wanted you here, you told me why, but why would the Chargers want to join?”

Bull finally threw her an honest grin, “There was a big fucking hole in the sky. They wanted to help, same as every other random asshole you’ve managed to drag into this cause of yours.”

That attitude pulled a smile from her, warming at the glimpse of the man she’d known before the dreadnought, “And you agreed to that? Even with the demons?”

“Especially them,” he scowled at the thought. “I hate the bastards but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to let them run around.” His smile faded a little as he continued, keeping his gaze on her, “My point is, I **wanted** to be here. I never lied to you or the Inquisition. I never compromised it and I wouldn't have, even if I _somehow_ could've gotten it past Red. My priority was keeping tabs on Corypheus.”

She chewed the inside of her lip, “What about ‘getting close to the people in charge’?”

“What we-" Bull frowned, "That wasn't some tactic. The Ben-Hassrath didn’t even know about any of-”

She shook her head, “Bull, I’m not some star-eyed teenager under some illusion that,” she gestured between them, “ _this_ was anything more than stress relief.” She frowned to herself as her stomach clenched, but she ignored it. “You didn’t trick or coerce me into doing anything. I don’t regret any of it, I just-” hugging her arms, she looked down at the floor, tone unsure. “What about that night before the dreadnought? In the camp. I understand helping me, but- Did I imagine-?" she pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a breath before looking back at him. "That was more than just waking me up from a bad dream.”

He gave a bleak chuckle, “I don't really know.” He mulled over his words before adding, “I just didn’t want to leave you like that.”

“Like what?”

Bull shrugged a shoulder, “Hurting.”

Shadan frowned. A voice told her that there had to be more to it, he _always_ knew what he was doing. He hid behind the image of a boisterous, if keen-minded, mercenary, but he was always more than that. His disaster of a room near the tavern was just another ruse to keep up that façade. By the Void, his Qunari moniker literally translated to liar. Everything Bull did had a reason, a goal, some hidden meaning. But… looking at him now? She had never seen Bull uncertain before. Or was this just another tactic? Another lie? For the first time she was truly struck by a full appreciation of how little she knew this man.

Shadan rubbed her arm, breaching the words echoing apprehensively in her mind, “Who are you?”

Bull looked up with a frown, “What?”

“I need to know what's true and what isn’t.” She paced a few steps, gesturing as she spoke, “You were a mercenary leader and a Qunari spy at the same time. I can’t-”, she stopped moving and pinched the bridge of her nose before looking at him. “The man I hired? Was that all a lie? Or are you someone else?”

He opened his mouth for a second, then hesitated, trying for something else, his tone even. “I never lied to you."

She shook her head, “That’s not an answer.” Keeping her voice calmer than she felt and holding a firm rein on her own roiling thoughts, she asked, “The Iron Bull or Hissrad. Which is the truth?”

“There isn’t _any_ Hiisrad. You were there,” he scowled faintly.

Shadan hugged her arms across her chest, “I still need an answer.”

There was a long silence and he exhaled, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He spoke at length, “I spent more time on Seheron than anyone had any sense to be. The Tal-Vashoth on that island, the fog warriors- Got to a point where I didn’t want anything to do with… _anything_ anymore. It was-” He stopped, shaking his head, “I told you how I tried to turn myself in to the Ben-Hassrath. When they wouldn’t reeducate me- Sending me south instead… being The Iron Bull was the farthest I could get from it all.” He shrugged, but he curled his lip at the thoughts playing through his head, “I played at being the thing I hated, but-” he scowled, letting that last work hang for a moment, wrestling with himself before shaking his head.

She couldn’t help her hackles from rising a bit at the growl in this tone, but she beat it down. “I get it. _I do_ ,” she clarified at his raised brow. “After everything- You're scared you'll lose control and hurt someone who doesn't deserve it.”

He snorted, "Scared?" His sharp teeth flashed with a wry smile, “You make it sound really simple, Adaar.”

She gestured widely, frustration bleeding into her movements, “But you don’t _need_ the Qun to keep yourself in check. I’ve lived and worked with Tal-Vashoth my entire life.” She pointed to herself, “I _am_ one.”

“Maybe…” He scowled, “Maybe there’s more who’re like your parents,” his eye flicked up at her, “or you.” He grumbled something venomous in Qunlat, “The ones I fought in Seheron **had** to be put down. You don’t know half the things I saw them do.” He growled, rubbing the heel of his palm to his forehead and exhaling.

Shadan gave him a moment, but knit her brows together at a thought, “Being Tal-Vashoth… This isn't about you not being able to go back to Par Vollen.”

He sighed, “I haven’t been back for years. I think Par Vollen stopped being home for me a long time ago. I just didn’t realize it until- Well...” Silence permeated the room. Skyhold continued as usual, faint voices of those milling about in the gardens little more than distant whispers beyond the walls of the room. Bull shrugged, tired, “Doesn’t matter either way. Hissrad is dead. Whatever I am- Whoever… I’m all that’s left.”

Shadan stepped towards him, “Bull.” He didn’t look up at his chosen name, but any further comment died on her tongue. She didn’t have any words for him, nearly everything she could give to comfort him felt like a lie or, at the very least, a half-truth. She couldn't imagine what he was going through, what he was thinking... how lost he must feel. “Nothing is holding you here. You don’t have to stay if that’s what you want.”

Bull looked up with an empty smirk, “That a nice way of telling me to leave?”

“No! I didn’t-” she brushed a hand through her hair, “Dammit, Bull, I-” Sighing, she swept her hands to either side in an all-encompassing gesture. “I mean, you have a place here. The Inquisition can really use-” she stopped herself again, shaking her head. He deserved more than a sales pitch. Taking another tentative step forward, just within an arm’s reach, she hoped her tone came off as sincere as she felt, “Skyhold can be your home." Her eyes softened, "If you want it to be.”

He just stared, eye searching. “Want,” he mused softly to himself, looking to the side with a gentle shake of his head, “That’s a dangerous luxury, Boss.”

Shadan took a small final step, gently lifted his chin so he could meet her eyes. “Yeah,” she agreed with the ghost of a smile, “But the rest of us all manage somehow.” He remained silent and she dropped her hand. “I’ll give you time to think it over.” He said nothing, not meeting her eyes again, so she turned to leave. She froze in her tracks when he took her wrist, the stubs of his two severed fingers resting at her pulse.

He was studying her hand when she turned back, his eye steady when he eventually looked up at her. “I don’t need time,” he said, his tone low. She let him pull her in, placing her palms on his shoulders as his settled on her hips. He hesitated, as if for once in his life he truly hadn’t planned the following step. His head dropped forward with an exhale, forehead pressing against her stomach, the scale mail of her shirt clinking against the rough texture of his horns. “What about this?” he questioned, thumbs tracing up the lacing of her mail tunic.

“I don’t know.” His shoulders dropped just a fraction and she felt her throat tighten at his sudden listless vulnerability. She knew that he was consciously letting her see him, there was no other way he would appear so transparent. Smoothing her hands up his neck, palms resting at the back of his head, she gently stroked her thumbs behind his ears. “It couldn’t be like before. I can’t do that again.”

He looked up, brow creased with his unspoken inquiry.

“The whole _arrangement_ we had,” she shook her head. “You’re more than- I don’t-” She couldn’t meet his eye, but the weight of his hands grounded her, giving her something to focus on aside from her sudden nerves. “I don’t know when but,” she hesitated before giving up. “I care about you,” she closed her eyes, “More than I probably should.” She winced, waiting for him to laugh at her. Push her away. Qunari didn't care for their friends that way, it was stupid of her to even think- 

He was silent for what seemed a very long time. Shadan was about to pull away again when he reached up to palm the back of her neck, her eyes blinking open in surprise when he brushed his lips against hers, “I’ll stay.”

Shadan's heart skipped and she sighed into his kiss, the taste of his scarred lips sending a flush of welcome warmth down her spine. He gave an answering groan as her nails grazed down the back of his neck, the sound sparking memories that made her lean closer to the warmth of him. Maker or Spirits, it didn’t matter, she had missed him these last weeks. Not just his touch, but his companionship and a friendship she had nearly completely ruined but-

Shadan pulled back regretfully, hands braced on his shoulders, biting her lip and slowly shaking her head.

Bull frowned, dropping his hands, “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head a little more, “I’m not going to use you.”

His frown took a confused tilt.

Shadan gave a tired sigh, “You’re not a mindless tool, Bull. You don’t have a role you need to fill for anyone else. Not anymore. And-” she paused. “I don’t want you to be with me because you think I need it or feel you have to.”

Bull scowled, “So, you don’t-”

“No, I do- That’s not-” Shadan clenched her jaw in exasperation and cupped the sides of his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes. “I still want you.” Her heart kicked up a beat at the heat in his gaze, “But, I want you to want something- This -" she gestured between them, "for yourself. Not for me. Not for anyone else.” She sighed, giving him a half-smile. “Just be a little selfish for once.”

Bull studied her for several long seconds, brow lined in a frown, “I’m not already? I gave up the dreadnought because I couldn’t let my guys die.”

Shadan sighed, a soft smile on her lips, “You gave up that life for them. That wasn’t selfish.”

“I gave up Hissrad’s life,” he muttered.

She brushed a thumb across his cheek, “You did.” When he looked away she dropped her hands from his face. She shifted to leave again, but a hand gripped her waist. “Bull?”

He said nothing, but Shadan could feel the steady grip of his fingers. A long moment passed and he looked up, “I don’t _want_ you to leave.”

She shifted her weight back, placing a hand on his wrist, “You’re sure?”

The corner of his mouth twitched and he raised his other hand to hook a finger into the collar of her mail shirt, pulling her down, “I’m sure.”

Their lips met again, softer this time, and she cupped her hands under his jaw, stubble prickling against her palms, drawing him closer. “I am sorry, Bull,” she breathed against his lips.

She could feel him smile, “You did the right thing Boss, I was being an ass.”

Shadan shook her head a little, pressing her forehead to his, “I wasn’t talking about that.”

Bull dragged his lips along her jaw, nuzzling into her throat, hands sliding up her back to pull her in against him. Her knees bumped against the side of the bed, abdomen pressed to his chest. She could feel his breath against her throat, just holding her, inhaling and exhaling against her skin. “Thanks Boss.”

She lifted his head with a knuckle under his chin. Life was so fleeting and the odds continued to grow against them, so she wasn’t going to waste this second chance. Shadan took his bottom lip gently between her teeth, slowly tracing the scar with the tip of her tongue and felt his arms tighten around her. Kissing him, sliding her tongue over his teeth, she felt as much as heard his rumbling groan.

Bull tugged her forward onto the bed until she stepped up, kneeling over his lap. His hands slid down to the back of her thighs, the heat of his palms seeping through the hide of her breeches as he tilted his head back to catch her lips again. Taking advantage of her position she traced her fingers up to drag her nails around his horns. He groaned into her mouth, palms sliding down to the back of her knees, with a firm tug she sank down onto his lap. 

It was Shadan’s turn to moan into his mouth, pressed so close after so long apart she felt a warm prickle crawl up from her tailbone to her shoulders. Unwilling to stop kissing him, she fumbled at the lacing of her mail tunic for a few moments until Bull took pity on her. Once it was loosened Shadan pulled it off. Or she tried to. In her haste, the mail got stuck on the curl of her horns, trapping her arms above her head in a loose tangle. She paused, assessing for a moment. “Little help?” she laughed at the sudden absurdity, the abashed sound muffled behind cloth and metal. Bull chuckled and the sound made something warm loosen inside her chest, her smile widening though he couldn’t see it.

“I’m sure you can handle it,” he rumbled, palms dragging up her sides, bunching her loose undershirt up over his thumbs.

She sighed theatrically inside the tunic and started to wiggle her arms, trying not to jump when he traced the ticklish curve of her waist. And failing miserably. She wriggled in his lap to escape that purposefully light touch while unsnarling the mail from over her head. Only half-intentionally grinding down onto him. “I'll handle something,” she muttered, yelping suddenly at a touch, jerking so hard that she headbutted him through the shirt. She felt something give around her elbow and crowed her victory while he laughed. Shaking the offending garment off, it landed somewhere with a jingled thud, she beamed, trying not to laugh at him rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m not going to say you deserved that but-” she smiled impishly, looping her arms around his neck and kissing his nose.

“Laugh it up,” he grinned.

"I intend to," she smiled, rolling her hips in his lap, making it clear that she felt his interest from her previous wriggling. He gripped her ass, holding her firmly against him, but something else caught her attention and she frowned slightly. His eyepatch. She had never seen him without it. In their previous relationship, she had either been faced away or simply not in a position that allowed her to address it. Odd to think of now but-

Her hand slid up to his cheek, thumb running over the thin leather strips that held it in place, "Can I?" His eye softened, though the heat burned just beneath, and he nodded very slightly. She slipped a finger under the strip between his brows, he closed his eye when she followed it across his forehead to where it was knotted to the narrow cord around his horn. The knot loosened after a moment of plucking and she carefully pulled the metal aside.

She knew what to expect. Krem had told her how Bull had saved him, taking a blow to the face to spare the deserter worse injury. However, finally _seeing_ the jagged mass of scar tissue for the first time, she couldn’t help feeling a pang of pity, though it was overshadowed by the warmth she felt for his compassion. Cupping his jaw, she pressed a gentle kiss between his brows and the corner of his ruined eye, then a last one to the tip of his nose. Bull looked a little puzzled by her soft touches, but not displeased. Shadan was determined to start, whatever they were now, anew. Show him that she didn’t need to be the focus, that she could take care of him as well. That she _wanted_ to.

Her fingertips slipped down, between warm skin and leather, unbuckling his belt to slide her palms over the skin underneath.

Bull tossed the belt to the floor and once his hands left her she took the chance to step back off the bed. His confused frown faded when she knelt to the floor, bending to pull off his boots. His ankle brace took a moment for her to find the catch, but she soon had his bare heel in her palm, the other hand splayed over the gnarled lattice of scarring around his ankle and shin. She looked up thoughtfully, "You're going to have to tell me this story sometime."

"Am I?" It wasn't that he didn't want to share but- Her mischievous eyes dashed his worry and he grinned at her when she stood to straddle his lap again. He had to lean his head back to meet her eyes.

"Yes," and she pushed him hard enough that he fell back on the bed. "You will,” she said matter-of-factly, sitting back on his hips, pulling her shirt up over her head and tossing it aside. Bending down, she began to trail kisses down his jaw, neck, the center of his chest. Reaching his waist, she scooted back to straddle his legs. Running her palms over his thighs, she palmed his half-hard cock beneath the fabric of his pants, chuckling at the long breath he took. Eyes flitting up at him, she pulled his pants down just enough to free him. Stroking a finger up the underside she followed it with a soft swipe of her tongue and drew him into her mouth.

Swirling her tongue around him she pulled back and took him back in, gripping his hip and the base of his cock as she started a slow, almost teasing pace. Bull’s thigh flexed under her hand and, though he tried to control them, his breaths became heavier, eventually flavored with some very _colorful_ words of Qunlat. Shadan looked up with a smirk, flattening her tongue and dragging it up the length of him in a long, slow stroke. Her eyes never leaving his.

Bull snarled something she didn’t quite catch and she let out a surprised yelp of laughter when he grabbed her by the shoulders, all but throwing her down onto the bed. His mouth crashed against hers as he pressed her down into the mattress. Shadan’s heart leapt into her throat at the sudden ferocity, heat washing over her as she threw off the rest of her clothing, needing to feel his skin against hers, catching his sharp smile before he was dragging teeth over her shoulder. She groaned, gripping him with nails and teeth of her own, earning rumbled approval as she matched him. Throwing her legs around his waist she could feel him, hard and hot, against the back of her thigh. She buried her face against his neck, exhaling with a needy moan against his skin, pulling closer to him.

Bull pushed her hips down onto the mattress with a free hand, resisting the tug of her legs as he pulled back, baring his teeth in a grin when she grumbled in displeasure. Grazing his teeth to the root of her horn he groaned when her body trembled under him. “Look at me.” In answer, she nipped his collarbone, ghosting her lips over the indentations left by her teeth. The touch was tender, slow, and it took all his discipline not to hilt himself within her right then and there. “Shadan,” he exhaled roughly.

Hazel met steel gray, and she smiled. Encircling her arms around his neck Shadan pressed her forehead to his, “Bull,” she breathed softly.

His head was swimming and he didn’t understand why. They had been together several times before, so why did this feel so new? That fleeting thought vanished when she rolled her hips up against him and he finally pressed into her. Bull groaned, she was so slick, her strong legs wrapped around him, pulling him in, urging him in further and faster with each whimpering gasp.

With a final press forward their hips met, buried up to the root, Bull growled in answer to her heady moan and got an idea. Hugging her against his chest, he rolled them over. Shadan made a startled sound at the sudden shift, but once upright she shuddered, his cock settling even further inside of her. She leaned back, propped up with a hand on his thigh, taking a moment to breathe and half-try to suppress the sparks prickling over her skin. She gave him a lazy smile when he bent his good leg for her to lean against.

Bull wrapped a hand around her hip, sliding the other up over her ribs and down her abdomen, the firm pressure of his fingertips leaving trails of heat in their wake. He resisted the impulse to immediately continue when he saw how dazed Shadan looked, “You all right?”

Shadan blinked, her dark eyes refocusing on him, and lifted a brow. Her lips quirking into a smirk, she shifted her hips experimentally. Just a small, gentle roll, but that was enough to make the both of them shudder. Bull groaned, dropping his hands to her thighs. “Are you?” she panted.

He cracked a smile and sat up, pulling her in for another long kiss. Bull’s heart thudded steadily, heat and arousal thrumming through his veins, he swore against her lips when she started to move. Her warm, if somewhat breathless, laughter was her reply.

Heat rose between them, the familiar buzz rising through his veins, settling low and tightening more and more insistently with every rock he made upward to the rhythm of her rolling hips.

Too close.

Bull gritted his teeth, forcing himself to stop and started to pull her off, but her thighs gripped him tightly, holding him down. “It’s okay, I want-” Shadan kissed him desperately, gasping against his lips, “Please.” If she was sure Bull didn’t need to be told twice. Holding her against his chest, he pounded up into her, the pace punishing, but the sounds he now drew from her were high and desperate. Hands frantically gripping his shoulders, each thrust punching a shuddering moan from her throat, steadily rising higher and higher until- Shadan shook, gasping, flexing around him and Bull let himself go.

Bull fell back and Shadan fell forward onto her hands, arms trembling for a moment before collapsing onto his chest. Bull grunted at the sudden weight and she laughed breathlessly, “Sorry.” Tucking her nose under his jaw, she sighed contentedly, breathing him in.

Bull chuckled, splaying his broad hand over her back he could feel her rapid pulse gradually slow. When his brain eventually got back up to speed, a sliver of doubt weaseled its way back into his mind. He didn’t like this feeling. He didn’t doubt himself when he was Qunari, at least not nearly as much as he did now. “What do we do now?” he asked, voice rough.

Shadan lifted her head, propping her chin on his chest, “That,” she exhaled, eyes relaxed, “is up to you.”

Bull groaned, fighting a smile, “You are really pushing that self-determination thing, aren’t you?”

She chuckled, “Guilty.” Nipping his chin, she added, “Don’t worry, you’ll catch on.”

He looked down at her, warm and sated, sprawled on top of him like she belonged there. He ran his nails up the back of her neck, scratching lightly over her scalp, and she just about purred. A part of him was starting to think that she might. “You know I’ve never done relationships. This is really-” he stopped when she touched a finger to his lips.

“I know you’re still figuring things out.” She tilted her head, resting her cheek on his chest, eyes lidded, but honest. “We can just see where this goes, if it even goes anywhere.” Her eyes shifted to the side, “I mean if-”

He cradled the back of her head, pulling her back in for a kiss, smiling faintly as she relaxed. “Sounds good to me,” he rumbled before leaning his head back against the pillow and closing his eye. His body went slack, mind uncertain, but warming to the possibilities of the unknown as she tucked her nose against his throat. He hadn’t truly realized how much he’d missed having her near. All this time consumed by his own fears, this was the first time in a long while that he’d honestly felt… at peace.

The moment was broken by a knock at the door, followed by Krem’s voice on the other side. “Chief, you in there? Dalish is still worried about this whole thing. Have you talked to the Inquisitor yet?”

The pair looked at each other for a moment before Bull rubbed a hand over his face with a low chuckle while Shadan bared her teeth in a grin as she tried not to laugh. She placed a finger against his lips before he could reply. He lifted a brow at her, mouth twitching into a smirk.

Shadan propped herself up on Bull’s chest, facing the door, her voice as clear as a bell, “He did. I’m not cutting you all loose just yet." She gave Bull a playfully arched look when he took advantage of her new position to palm one of her breasts. "Tell Dalish I’m sorry I caused her to worry.”

Krem stammered on the other side of the door, “What? I-” he cleared his throat. “Oh for- Right. I’ll, uh” he paused, “Yeah I’m going.” Shadan swore she heard him mutter something exasperated in Tevene and she grinned, stifling a laugh.

Bull snickered, moving his palms back to petting down the length of her back, “You are _evil_ , you know that?”

“It was too easy, I had to," she chuckled, laying back down and tucking a forearm under her chin to look at him. “Plus, you don’t hide things from them. Least of all Krem.”

“True." He chose not to mention the discussion he’d had with them earlier and smoothed a hand over her hip. “Do you really want it getting around that the Herald is in bed with a-” he paused, frowning a little, and finished, “mercenary?”

“You think I shouldn’t?” she asked, tilting her head a degree.

He shrugged, nonchalant, but he knew she'd see through such an obvious cue, “The Inquisition’s image is important. _Your_ image is important.”

She snorted, studying a scar on his chest and tracing it with a fingertip, “Everyone knows I was a mercenary before all this, so you being one isn’t an issue. Mage. Vashoth.” She rolled her eyes, shifting off him to lay against his side. “I’m hitting every mark that makes these oh-so-delicate humans uncomfortable. So, unless we do something particularly scandalous,” she chuckled at his mischievous grin, “I think the Inquisition will survive.” Her expression sobered, “It only has to last long enough to beat Corypheus anyway.”

“Uh-uh,” Bull murmured, tucking her against him more firmly. “Stop that,” he rested his chin between her horns and she curled into him. “If there’s one thing I do well, it’s kill Vints. So, I know we’re going to kill this asshole and, no matter what happens with," he gestured, "Us-” she pressed the line of her body against his side at the word, pulling an unbidden smile from him, “I’ll be behind you every step of the way.”

She looked up, studying him for a moment, her soft smile making something new clench in his chest. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Bull slipped a hand behind her head, leaning forward to bump his horns to hers, “Deal.”

\--

Harvestmere 9:42 Dragon

Bull knocked back another drink, watching the noblepeople Josephine had managed to gather mince around the main hall. While a few sniffed around for opportunities, the prevailing mood in the room was one of intense relief. The last two years had been one for the history books and by some divine miracle they had all come out of it alive. He was STILL wrapping his mind around that. 

The Inquisition had succeeded. Corypheus was dead. Celene was in power in Orlais, her supposedly jilted elven lover turned freedom fighter was in the wind. Mages were establishing a College and Leliana had been elected at the new Divine… He still wasn’t sure if that last bit comforted or scared him. But, at this exact moment, he didn’t give a damn about any of that. Shadan was safe and happy. That was good enough for him.

Bull leaned back, propping his bad leg up on an unoccupied chair. Shadan was talking with Sera at the other table, laughing more freely than he’d ever seen her. Dammit she’d earned it. He grinned when she approached him from across the room, “How’s everyone, Boss?”

“I think our stores of _everything_ are going to run dry at this rate,” she laughed, leaning heavily against the high back of his chair. “Everyone is going to be nursing horrible hangovers in the morning and I couldn’t be happier.”

Bull laughed, “What about our group?”

Shadan sighed, looking at her friends fondly, “Dorian is going back to Tevinter, Varric to Kirkwall. Reformation and rebuilding. Good time to do both, now that this is over.” She glanced over at the Enchanter, “Viv will undoubtedly return to court. But Sera and Cole don't seem keen to leave and Thom seems content where he is for now.”

“At least Josephine and Cullen will stick around, considering Cassandra is running off to rebuild the Seekers,” Bull added, finishing his drink and noting how she made no mention of Solas. He knew that the elf’s abrupt disappearance still worried her, so he left it unsaid for now.

“Yep,” she nodded, nudging his arm, “You?”

He glanced up, “Me?”

“What’re you going to do, now that this is over?”

Bull was impressed by how casual her tone was, even if her shoulders gave away some of her underlying uncertainty. He took a mental note to _thoroughly_ allay those lingering doubts when he could drag her away from the festivities. “Well,” he drawled, putting his tankard down. “The boys seem to like it here. I think Stitches has been flirting with the surgeon in the infirmary and, you know, it’d just be mean to uproot them after all this time.”

Shadan fought a smile, playing along, “Uh-huh, well, I _suppose_ we could find some work for you all.” She leaned down, crooking a finger under the chain around his neck, fiddling with the split dragon tooth hanging there. Its mate rested against her collar. “I imagine the steady pay is probably a nice draw?”

“Oh, yeah,” he agreed emphatically, his smile all teeth. He gently tapped her dragon tooth with his nail, his eye saying everything he didn’t.

Vivienne’s voice came from nearby, “Adaar, darling, there’s someone here you simply must meet.”

Shadan perked up at her name, “Coming.” She gave Bull a quick peck on the forehead before leaving. The casual nature of the gesture made him grin a bit more crookedly than he realized.

Varric grinned at Shadan as she passed by, plopping down in a chair and sliding Bull another drink. “She’s been flitting around Skyhold all afternoon. My coin’s on her passing out before nightfall.”

Bull took the tankard and tipped it in his direction, “I’ll take that bet.” He had several detailed plans for her this evening, so he knew it was one he'd win if the dwarf had actually been serious about it.

They drank and Varric sighed, sinking into the chair, “Nice tooth.”

Bull lifted the chain with his thumb, playing with it for a moment, “Thanks.”

“I couldn't _help_ but notice that Adaar’s got one just like it. Some Qunari thing?” Varric asked, lifting a brow from behind his mug, eyes knowing.

Bull smirked at Varric, as if the dwarf hadn’t been one of the first to suss out their relationship, “Yeah. Something like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know canon says that Inquisition takes place over the course of a year but with all the traveling hither and yon that just doesn't seem NEARLY long enough, so I consider it two for my own purposes... Okay technically my timeline is 18 months so that's still probably not enough for everything you do, but it's close enough lol
> 
> This story is done, but I love these two too much so I have many more waiting in the wings.  
> I hope I can get them together to share with all of you. Thanks for sticking around <3


End file.
